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This never ending spring is unnerving.
daffodils popping and rain persistent.

I feel like, we’re living backwards
we are this eternal spring and I fear the worst

It makes one question the entire future and all the roots that have been growing silently in this ground. Deeper and deeper.

 

Home. Home is wonderful. Things are slowly changing and we are healthy. Happy.
Life moves on without us, I fear.

We lose friends and feel lonely in our aches. I don’t know how to fix that.

 

I can’t fix the holes. I can’t patch them up with something that doesn’t fit.

I can’t keep giving and not receiving. It’s been months. I feel used – call me when you need more warm bodies in your apartment?

Maybe I need you.
Maybe you don’t give a shit.
And friends continue to disappear. Is that what being an adult is all about?

 

I am retreating further into this monogamy. I am getting increasingly more anxious about social settings and losing that piece that used to be the center of attention.

I guess that’s a good thing, in some cases.

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color:#1F497D;mso-themecolor:dark2″>I am still the same person, with a different point of view. Lying flat on your back.

 

I don’t write poetry anymore.

I introduced him to ee cummings.

I found an old book with a deep inscription – from someone I don’t know anymore. But think about often.

(its growing increasingly hard to remember the good things – why would you want to push away a friendship and replace it with bad memories?)

Trying to be the optimist has made me a pessimist.

 

The world is getting smaller. The seas are rising. And spring persists.

It all comes back to that.

Why build if it’s going to be washed away?

 

When I feel like this – I know I need a vacation. I need to breathe. And meditate. And pretend like things are perfectly placed.

My thoughts go back to a friend we lost years ago. It’s just about that time.

So much has changed. It feels like nothing from when he was alive is the same.

 

I am tired of the whole corporate world. the facebook generation. the christian warriors. the rich politicians. the corporatocracy .

I am so disillusioned, I’m dizzy.