09/01/2009

i quit my job.
i waited so long to find it. only to be disappointed with a company that makes the majority of their money from confusing the elderly.

it was a moral issue.
it honestly was – there’s only so much robotic dishonesty that one can take.
so then why am i feeling guilty? 

listening to some acoustic songs. remembering when we used to hide in practice rooms, or listen as one stage light lit up the piano.
that was right before i thought everything was changing.
little did i realize… 5 years later.
that it really would.

i do miss those sounds. or even waking up to the dull twinges of pain that they use to evoke.
does our happiness make you have a strange nostalgia for your anguish?

i think about loss.
and the inevitable winter.
it seemed so far away when i was falling in love. and now – September comes in with a gush of cold air. enough for jackets and hoods, and thick socks. 
so it’s here.
and the present is stagnant.

is this post-graduate life? 
i secretly imagine they are all written for me, you know. that the memories are still there. that our childhood ideals and dreams were never told in your living room. or the backyard under the lilac tree.
i’m saving them all.
and giving them to something more meaningful. a savings account for my happy memories.

it was just because the bad ones crop up when i’m trying to sleep.
much as yours do.

as much as i love fall.
i’m hoping the leaves won’t turn for long while.