Decided

I decided to stay at the paper.

They’re giving me a raise and some responsibilities in the marketing department. It’s going to be hard work, but at least it’s in a place i know and feel goo about.

The moment i decided… istarted to feel bad. i two years i woll be fighting for that job again, i can just feel that. I will be humiliating and stupid to fight again for a job you could have already had, and maybe i won’t get it again…. at some point, age stops working for you and begins working against you. On the other hand, I will have had the experience of a senior position in a corporation – even if it’s not a management position, it’s a job that lets you see into the workings of top management, which can be important…. and i will still be writing, which is good.

I feel like calling them and telling them i changed my mind… but ENOUGH. i would have fealt just as unsure if i’d done the oposite thing.

Scarlet Ibis

June 18, 2005

Oh, what a horrible feeling! *pets you* Everything in life is a gamble, isn’t it? Honestly, what you eat for breakfast could affect the rest of your life… But when you start thinking that way you become afraid to live… So just embrace your decisions as the best ones you could have made in that moment and go with them. 🙂 RYN: I can take about 80 lbs. off myself w/ camera angles. No lie.

Lover of Stars

Many more opportunities are sure to come your way! I feel for you, its tough to be torn between two decisions!!

Zinfandel

July 4, 2005

RYN: For years I’ve been hearing that he’s the one more in love, though I’m surprised you picked up on it from OD… Lately, I just haven’t let my guard down. I’m not sure if it was building or not with me – but with him, his actions were not supportive of us staying together. would you mind giving me an e-mail address? Since you’re free OD, I can’t leave you private notes and

and I really don’t want him reading any notes. Not that I want to badmouth him or anything, but I’m afraid I’ll write differently if I know he’s reading.

July 6, 2005

RYN: No, I didn’t send any, I will if I need to tho… And maybe you’re right, but based on his past, I think it will be a secret thought, not something he will act upon. (Other people have said he’s attracted to me, people that know us in person, but I don’t think he would ever act upon it because of work. And based on how he met his ex-wife, I think his precedent says he’d never say it.)

My note makes no sense. He used to work with his ex-wife. She wanted to be more than co-workers, and before going to “the next level” he told all bosses that that was their intention and they needed to work in different departments to eliminate any appearance of favortism. There is no question of that here. Therefore, I believe he will never make any of those feelings known, if he has them