boo.

I’m having one of these days where I feel beaten down and discouraged.  I’ve been applying for jobs for almost a year now.  Nothing worthwhile has come my way.  Nobody wants to hire me.

I got to work today and opened my paycheque.  There was a memo in there, as there sometimes is, telling the whole company that yay, we’re growing again, and isn’t it wonderful, we’ve decided to implement a referral bonus program.  So my stomach drops because I know what’s coming.  There are three positions they are looking to fill.  PM, Estimator, and yes, the last one is what I’m working in right now.  Assistant Project Coordinator.

I was told I would see them advertise for the position in the coming weeks.  But I thought maybe that when I went in there and asked for it that they wouldn’t.  I thought perhaps that I was doing a good job and my manager was thrilled and everyone seemed to like me was enough to get me the gig.

I’m moping.  I know.

So I’ve spent quite a chunk of time this morning searching for jobs online.  Anything I might be remotely qualified for.  It’s stupid.  There’s still hardly anything out there.  Beaten down.

I think next I’ll send some unsolicited applications to some of the local advertising agencies in the hopes that something is soon opening up and they’ll think of me.  It makes me tired.  I feel like I’m grasping at straws here.

I want to go back to school.  At least there I was good at something and we were all hopes and dreams and confidence.