Hollywood Blvd.

I had the interview for the new position here at work.

It was sort of a joke. People kept telling me they know I will get the job.

I am not worried about NOT getting the job. I am worried about getting it!!

I don’t want it. It’s not for me. It doesn’t use my skill set. It doesn’t move me forward. It moves me backwards. Not in pay or in title, but in skill-level.

I know with certainty that the job is mine.

But that’s the problem. Part of me wishes that they didn’t want me for the position. It might just be the push I need to accept the severence package and move on with my life.

I am just much too rigid of a person to feel comfortable taking that chance without having a plan B.

I have submitted a few resumes here and there. But at the level I am at, and in the field I am in, the hiring process is just so damn long and rigorous. So even if one of the places I submitted my resume to did call me back, I likely wouldn’t interview for another couple months.

It’s what I liked about the process with the recruiter and the other company. Event though I had to go through 5 interviews, and possibly one more if I had gotten the job, they were able to move it along at lightening speed. And it still was about a 5 to 6 week process from resume to rejection.

I am tempted to take a chance. To accept the severance and even though I will only have 12 weeks of continued income at my current level, have faith that something will work out. I think it would feel awsome. It would liberate me from the hell that this place has become. It would certainly be personally challenging for me since I am not typically one to "act on a whim."

This place used to be someplace I loved coming that did something I believed in. Interesting how a few people at the top can change and the heart of a 60 year old company can change completely. And I have tried using my clout to push upwards that I didn’t think we were making sound business decisions. And though everyone around me agrees, everyone above me thinks we are the crazy ones.

Because the people above me haven’t sat and talked with the mother who’s son almost ODed on drugs, and finally found help at our program. They haven’t seen the kids open up for what may be the first time in their lives about things that hurt them so deeply. They haven’t met with the doctors and the lawyers and the interventionists that trust us to care for their clients because they know that we are the best opportunity for lifelong freedom from alcohol and other drugs.

I have.

I know what they want and need from us because I listen. The people at the top don’t have a clue.

Now every time I come here I feel like I am morally compromising myself for money. I feel like I am doing something I shouldn’t or wouldn’t do, but because they pay me, I accept it.

Hm. I’m a prostitute.

Nice.