Career Suicide
Yeah, just when everything was going along nicely.
I am finally at a more manageable work load (for this week anyway, next week is a different story). I heard news that the person I wanted fired in my department finally got fired. And things at work are generally coming along.
And then I turned into an idiot.
I was on a phone conference today with a few other people from my department. Peers, if you will.
And we were waiting for one more person to join the meeting before we could get started.
So Gwenyth, one of the other Marketing Directors (and someone I work very closely with) started talking about an event she was working on to kill time while we waited.
So we chatted for a bit, and then one of the other Marketing Directors, Julia, asked me a question about something else work-related. (I love Julia, she and I get along well and have the same outlook on a lot of situations. She is my go to confidante and therapist for anything work related.)
I started to answer Julia when I was cut off by Gwenyth. Unbeknownst to Julia and I, the final person we were waiting for had entered the room. (Most meetings are held at out headquarters and Julia and I always have to phone in from our sites while everyone else sits in a room together.)
Gwenyth rudely interrupted and said "Well, Steve and Karen (who was already in the room) don’t need to hear about any of this irrelevant stuff. They have taken time out of their day to come to this meeting so we need to stay on task here." The tone in her voice was very condescending and I felt like I was being scolded.
Especially because Gwenyth was the one that took us off topic when she mentioned her event. And because Julia and I have no way of knowing that the final person had entered the room.
A simple "Okay, now that Steve is here, let’s get started" would have worked.
So, per usuall, I send Julia an email. Her and I are always at our computers in our offices during phone meetings. We frequently banter back and forth. She will ask me what someone just said if she didn’t hear it, or I will ask her why I can’t log into the meeting.
The email to Julia says:
"Did Gwenyth really just say that? She is the one that started talking about the damn referent event. Karen and Steve don’t care about that."
So a little while later, I get a response. Only it wasn’t from Julia, it was from Gwenyth.
I had sent the email to the wrong person.
And of all wrong people to send it to, I sent it to Gwenyth.
Her response:
I think you meant to send this to Julia……
Yeah. I pretty much died a little inside when I realized what I had done.
So I panicked and sent an email to one of my friends who is also on OD, but I can’t spell his Japanese diary name. He of course, had some sound advice and was able to talk me down from the ledge. I also talked to two of my coworkers.
My response to Gwenyth:
Ack! Yes, my apologies…just frustrated and stressed. Sorry Gwenyth.
Her response back:
This is something we should probably talk about. Trust is important in any relationship, and this certainly has put a dent in that trust.
I wasn’t really expecting this…I thought maybe she would just blow it off once she saw my apology.
I guess I am okay talking with her because then I can be up front with her and use it as an opportunity to tell her I felt like I was being scolded.
But my friend/OD friend with the crazy Japanese name said this:
It had to happen sometime, that’s just life. You are still amazing and do great things and nobody can touch you so if she wants to try, she’s just going to end up looking like she has nothing better to do than drag out a one-time mistake you apologized for… she can shove it. If she cared about your work relationship, she’d laugh it off with you and let you buy her lunch sometime, and she’d realize that adding flames to the fire is going to make it awkward for both of you to work together and YOU ARE *NOT* EXPENDABLE.
This made me feel better.
But I still feel like crap. I want to crawl under a rock. I feel terrible.
*is a crazy friend, fo sho* I feel terrible too because I am reliving when I did the same thing but I take solace in the fact that just about everyone is going to do something horrible and awkward like that, and they walk around feeling like a rude loser for it too so at least try to imagine Ms High And Mighty farting somewhere inappropriate or whatever. You know she’s done it. Although youdid walk into the wrong bathroom that one time too, that was great. XD
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If you work closely with her, she should know by now that you are professional and intelligent, and if she wants to do herself a favor, she will follow your example. You’re both human and it could have happened to her just as easily.
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Sigh. Work can be so fun, I know. I am sure you do wonderful things. Everyone makes mistakes like this. Eventually things will get better. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Maybe she’ll realize how rude she was? Or is she just that full of herself that she doesn’t ever think she does anything wrong? Good luck!
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Ugh…I can understand how you feel…that’s a hard mistake to swallow….but you did apologize and she should have been big enough to accept it and move on. Obviously she’s not…. **hugs**
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I’m guessing she’s above you? Apologies, apologies…but it seems no matter what you do, you’ll remember it. It was an accident–accidents happen. You’ve done some apologizing–time for her to move on.
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Argh, I really hate it when that happens. Makes me want to hide away for ages. Good thing is that everything is always okay again eventually, or that’s the way I see it.
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As if the stress of our jobs aren’t enough here come a Diva looking to throw lightning bolts.
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Well, I think she got defensive because she knew she was wrong but couldn’t (or wouldn’t) admit it…shame on her and you don’t owe her anything!!!
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I did something similer to this…only in a video game..some guy was “helping” my friend and I out but being extra obnoxious..she and I were Iming and I said something about the guy being really annoying and immature and how i in general didn’t like him. Instead of IMing I said it to the group…Its not an equal instance of course but…similer. The deal is you really didn’t say anything that bad..you were continuing small talk and she cut you off in a rude way and you were responding to that by saying well you know..it was all irrelevant stuff why did she cut us off like that? I would just be like “I wrote that because my feelings were hurt because I was just trying to fill the time before Steve got there, not trying to disrespect anyone by wasting their time and I felt blah blah” You know..but thats because thats how I think… But I also think you should never ever ever tell anyone you are “sorry” Sorry is like pitiful right? “I’m pitiful” Which really doesn’t have anything to do with whether or not someone regrets a situation..but maybe I need to look it up I make a point to try to say “I apoligize” I think it means more and isn’t a
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personal insult to yourself. You are amazing and I think she was far more rude then you questioning someone else about “Was she really just rude to us?”
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Sweetie, you were questioning the rudness of her intrusion as well as her lack of respect towards you and Julia. The only thing you might have to apologize for is interrupting her thought pattern, with a note, during a meeting. The content of the note however had no cause for “putting a dent” in the trust of a relationship. She was merely trying to turn the tables on you to cover up her own ill
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behavior and sorry to say….. you bought into it. You have nothing to feel guilty about!!!! I sense I know you fairly well, and my gut tells me you didn’t say anything about G. that you wouldn’t say to her face. It just didn’t happen to be worded in the way you would have said it TO HER, cuz your just classy that way. If it were me, I would have told her to quit reading other people’s mail! 😉
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RYN: He used to drink 100-120 cans a week, so down to 20 is pretty amazing. Maybe after drinking that much just 20 won’t harm him, but even if not, if he managed to drop to this so quickly then it shouldn’t be too hard for him to drop to a “normal” amount once the business is gone 🙂
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She should just be gracious and accept the apology. Being difficult is not going to help her at all. Hope you’re well!
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OMG wow your friend is really nice to write that to you when you were upset, and he’s totally right that you have nothing to be sorry for
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trust’ is a two way street…you did not swear at her nor make fun of her. You did let her see how you thought and how another might perceive her lack of manners in a meeting…Offer to take her to lunch and discuss this(as your other friend suggested)..she too has things to learn about trust and respect. I do not believe this is career suicide, jsut a little oops and a rechecking it is goingto the right email address. I will say a little prayer for you.
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I can’t improve on your japanese friend’s advice. To offer another perspective, though, I submit that that terrible, crappy, wanting to crawl under a rock feeling is probably more due to embarrassment thatn anything else (because you your friend is right). Maybe there’s also just a twingge of dread for the upcoming encounter with ther, which you expect to be confrontational in nature.
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I can’t improve on your japanese friend’s advice. To offer another perspective, though, I submit that that terrible, crappy, wanting to crawl under a rock feeling is probably more due to embarrassment thatn anything else (because you your friend is right). Maybe there’s also just a twingge of dread for the upcoming encounter with ther, which you expect to be confrontational in nature.
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First, you didn’t say anything too bad. If Gwenyth holds that against you, she’s being a bitch. I have a VERY similar story. Hopefully it’ll help you: At an old job, I was an Assoc. VP and had a couple of people under me. One of them was a nice girl who I got along with very well. (She ended up getting promoted eventually, and we were then on the same level.) One day, she was frustrated with some stuff, and apparently got mad at me about something (I honestly don’t remember what). I got an e-mail from her…but it was weird. It wasn’t written to me, it was more like, “He’s doing this and that and blah blah blah.” It was more like she was venting. I waited a little while and then approached her about it. She apologized profusely. She said she WAS just venting about me and writing things out…but accidentally sent me the e-mail. We CALMLY talked about. I told her if she had a problem in the future, to just tell me and she agreed. It NEVER came up again and we remained good co-workers – and good friends.
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RYN: I totally agree about craigslist. A few years ago I was selling a car on there. I invited people to my house to see it….my God, when I think of the risk…I certainly won’t use craigslist anymore!!!!!
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