Summer is coming

My phone rings.

It’s Madaya, so of course I answer it.

In her sweet little voice she says "Hi Jessie!"

We chat for a minute.

Then she announces that this summer, she is going to go stay at her aunt’s house for a week in Chicago. Then she is going to stay at her grandma’s house for a week. Then she is coming to stay at my house for a month or more.

"You are?" I ask.

She says yes.

Of course I would love it if she would come stay with me this summer. The kid needs a break.

Just last week her dad’s power finally got shut off because he hadn’t been paying the bill all winter. But in Minnesota, there is a law against shutting off people’s power until March because of how cold it is outside.

Then I started to wonder what she would do during the day while I was at work. And while Chewie was at work if he was able to find a job.

So I did some research online and found a fairly flexible day camp program that includes arts and crafts, field trips, structured learning, swimming, playing outside, reading, etc. It definitely works with my hours at work and is close to the house. It also allows you to decide whether you want to participate 3, 4, or 5 days per week and adjusts the price accordingly.

I thought it might be fun if she did the 4 day per week schedule and I would take one day per week off.

I have a girlfriend at work that used to work at the camp and she can vouch for how good it is, so I felt comfortable about that.

But I was still nervous about the cost. The 4 day per week program is about $170 per week. And with Chewie not working, that will put a HUGE dent in our expenses.

Then my friend mentioned that the camp has financial aid and that if Madaya’s father filled out the paper work to register, he would definitely qualify for aide of some sort and could get a pretty significantly discounted rate. She said it could be as low as only $50 per week.

THAT I think we could manage.

The problem is that Madaya’s dad is not reliable – hence his electric bill not getting paid; and hence the fact that he is sending his daughter all over the place during the summer while he goes and "plays."

I talked to him yesterday about the opportunity. He said not to worry and that he would be more than willing to fill out the paperwork. It’s the least he could do, he says. And I will be responsible for her cost of living. But because she comes from such modest means, coming here she will feel spoiled – even if being spoiled means having Kraft mac & cheese instead of the cheaper store brand.

That’s really all it takes to make her feel like a princess. Last time she was here I went through my purses and found one I thought she might like. Then I went through my toiletries closet and found stuff I thought she might like that hadn’t been opened yet: lip gloss, lotion, hair ties, purse-sized kleenex packs, mini bottles of parfume…..and when I gave it to her in the purse, you would have thought it was Christmas. Because she didn’t get any presents for Christmas.

And because most of her life she has lived without a mom to teach her how to do "girly" stuff. Her dad actually told her not to ever use shampoo – only conditioner. So I am happy I can help set her straight and be a positive female role model.

And it’s because of stuff like this that I am further irritated at things like Isaiah’s birthday party when he received a million presents. All but one of them are still in the packages. I will be surprised if he has opened and played with all of them by his next birthday.

Anyway, Madaya’s dad told me he is going to Las Vegas for the summer, which is why he is shipping Madaya off. And he told me that he actually would prefer Madaya spend the WHOLE summer here, and not go to Chicago at all.

I would love to have Madaya here the whole summer if I can work out the logistics of where she goes during the day at an affordable rate. But I just don’t think I can afford to have her here at $170 per week for three full months. And even if I could make that work, it would leave no money left over to do fun things when Isaiah is with us like, going to the zoo or the water park.

Especially because Chewie’s child support amount just got jacked up again because he worked for a few weeks over the holidays.

I am pissed though, that Madaya’s dad is going to Vegas. He claims he is going to "set things up" for he and Madaya so they can move there at the end of the summer.

So if she does come for the summer, it would probably be the last time I saw her for a while – until the next time we can afford to go back to Vegas.

But again, her dad isn’t reliable. I think he is going to Vegas to play. And the reason he says it’s to check things out for he and Daya is so it sounds more responsible.

But I predict that one of two things will happen: he will go there and get in trouble and not come back; or he will go down there to play and come back, without ever having the intention of staying.

I talked to Chewie about it. He was supportive when the commitment was only a month. He loves Madaya too, and knows how extatic Isaiah would be to have Madaya here.

But when I mentioned to Chewie that it might be for the whole summer, he got uneasy.

And he starts attacking Madaya’s dad and asking why we should allow him to be irresponsible by taking Madaya for him.

What he doesn’t understand, and what I am trying to show him, is that whether or not we take Madaya, her dad is going to do whatever he wants. She either stays with us, or with his family in Chicago. And frankly, his family is just as bad as he is (what he has left of it, anyway). His dad is in prison for life for beating a woman to death.

So I told Chewie that I wanted to be able to give Madaya a break from her life so she could come to a place where she didn’t have to worry about anything but being a kid. He gets that. But he is still having a hard time with it.

He also claims he doesn’t want his bond with her to continue to grow over the summer only to have to say goodbye to her when she leaves for Vegas.

I told him if that was what kept him from being willing to do this, he was a coward.

I told him that if he know Lyndsey was moving Isaiah out of state, he wouldn’t pass up spending any time with Isaiah before he left – even if it meant it was harder when it came time for him to go.

What I think is really behind his resistance is that it has been a long time since he has had to be a 24/7 parent. He only has Isaiah part-time. And the thought of committing his entire summer to a child is overwhelming.

And to an extent I get that. But I don’t get it if that thought prevents him from doing it. It’s one thing to think it. It’s another thing to tell Madaya she can’t come because of it.

The good news is that Madaya takes much less energy to "parent" thanIsaiah. She is, for obvious reasons, very self-sufficient. She is beyond well-behaved. And she is smart as a whip. So it’s not as emotionally exhausting as it is with Isaiah.

I guess we will see. Who knows if Madaya’s dad will even be able to get his shit together to even get himself to Vegas. He has no income and hasn’t for a long time. But even if he stayed right here I would want to take her for the summer. Or for a month.

I would adopt that little girl if someone asked me.

Seriously.

I would find a way to make it work.

Even if Chewie wouldn’t.