Way too early for me

Was s’posed to go help bro load some cattle for slaughter house this morning so I got up early and by six when I got there, he was already finished.  Well damn, I could’a stayed in bed since I don’t think I fell asleep until about 20 minutes before I had to get up.  Last night was sorta ruff.  I had been busy all weekend and did not get to the cemetary until last night after work.  The driveways are always chained off, but i park my truck and walk out to dads grave.

I had not been there since Easter when Corben left great papa a blue easter egg.  Since then the grave has been reseeded for grass and is coming along nicely.  I just don’t know if I will ever get over losing my dad.  I sat out there last night and just couldn’t stop crying.  I stood up the cross with flowers that someone had left, I suspect TIff had been there becuase they wrote on the cross we love you.  Wow, it’s been six monthes and it just doesn’t seem to get any easier.  I called a friend when I got home and she said she knew that I had been crying and I told her I was alright.  She said no you’re  not you are grieving over your dad and it’s okay.  I just miss him and the pain is still so hard to bear.

And on top of all that we still have the farm to contend with.  Brother got the corn all planted this weekend and now we will be starting on soy beans.  Once those are in, we’ll start on hay.  With the economy so bad we don’t sell much hay lately becuase folks that had small farms or a couple of horses don’t have that anymore.  Oh well, life goes on.

Well I guess I will get off here and go make my 830 appointment with the government to register our crops for government payments on crops.  Dad always said we would have to do this and this year I guess he is right.  Dad I hope you are watching over me today so I don’t screw this up.  Maybe after that I will come home and take a quick nap.  That might start my day over and give me a brighter day.

God bless one and all today.