Too late to make sense

I don’t have much to say at this time.  I am a lousy od participant and friend.  My mind is working better than my fingers.  THat is scary.  So much in my mind that needs to come out, but I am not sure now is the time.  I have had a couple of good days off from work.  Nothing really pressing and just being my own lazy self.  At this time I should be asleep as I have puttered around all the day and really have nothing to show for myself other than some food and a clean refrigerator.  I guess that for me is a milestone as it rarely matters if the "frig" is clean.  But I am trying to save space and use it at the best of my abilities.  Decided since veggies are not a strong point for me that the crisper is better used stocked with soda and beer.  My two main stays.

My mind has been a wonder of mindless thoughts.  I am thinking of the up coming days ahead, and for all good purposes, it comes to thought that my parents would have been married for 55 year on the first of may if they had stayed together.  But that didn’t lst.  MY father has been with his current signifficant other longer than he had been married to my mom, and my mom is on her second husband since the original divorce in 1974.  Sometimes I have a hard time keeping up.  Does it really matter?  Something that I am not sure of.

I have been dealing with my current head injury and knee injury also for a year on May 2.  THings seem to be just going along without much change and with lots of doctors appointments and test being done to no further success on my getting better.  Needless to say I am still quite up set and depressed over this entire incident.  No on really understands unless they have experienced such an event. Sure I have had head trauma before, but it has never affected me like this.  I was much younger and lived with the idea that I am invincible,  Well guess what, I am not!  My mind and body both react much different now than they did some 20 plus years ago.  And the sad thing is, unless you have gone thru this, no one understands.  It is like standing in the middle of a crowd and no one knowing what you are feeling.  I am really struggling hard and at this point, don’t kow where to turn.  I have never considered my self a weak person, but right now, I feel weak and terribly alone.  MY family does not understand what I am going thru.  My so called best friend says that I just have to go on.  Yeah, I do, but where do I go.  I feel like no where that I turn, do I have anyone that I can trust.  Is it paranoia, or is it real.  I just want it all over with.  My knee will never be the same, and the vision in my right eye after nearly a year is absolutely no better.  The worst part is no one can give me any type of diagnosis.  For either of my problems.  I am at my end.  Where do I turn now.  I still have a year to go before I can take any legal action.  Can I stand it?  I don’t know.  What will tomorrow bring.  Peace or pergatory?

I know this sounds dramatic, but right now it is how I am feeling.  Any suiggestions?  I am putting this out on the line.  It all falls back on Workers Comp.  Any suggestions or ideas?, I am open to any and all thoughts.  Feel free to leave you ideas or comments.  Everybody has an opinion.