Happy Pills

Today has been an up and down day.  Work was okay to a point but when I think about the meltdown that i had last Wednesday I become upset again.  My co conspirator John was cutting onions today and started to cry.  Well I kidded him about crying and told him not to do that, I had done enough for both of us last week.  WHen he asked me why I had been crying, I gave him some off the wall answer and he told me I was lying.  He asked me again why and I just ignored him.  We made it thru the rest of the day and then I came home.  I had a dentist appointment for a filling to be repair and so I had to come home and get the Bob smell off of me.  Yuck, I hate grease.

WEll I was lying in the bed trying to take a nap when my phone rang.  It was Tiffiny, my niece with the handsome baby boy.  She chatted for a minute and said she was on her way to the tanning bed but wanted to ask me a question.  When I asked what she wanted she said she wanted to ask me about my "happy pills."  She is a pharmacist assistant and has known for quite some time that I make reference to my happy pills being my anti depressant.  I told her they were helpful to me and she began to cry.  I asked her if we could meet and talk after my dentist appointment and she agreed.

We met at the dentist office and I hopped into her car and we headed over to Applebees for a beer.  We ordered and began talking about her and she said she had moved back in with "her baby daddy," ( my terms, not hers!") and she was trying to make it work.  I told her that I was proud of her trying but sometimes no matter how hard you try, the best thing is to go separate ways.  She began telling me how J came into the house the other night and was mad at her so he started breaking furniture and putting holes in the walls and throwing things.  I just listened and then she said he had never laid a hand on her or the baby.  He curses her and calls her names and tells her that they are married and he will tell her what kind of car she can drive and she will never have a new car or anything else unless he says so.  She had tears in her eyes when she was telling me this and all I could say was if you are not happy, then don’t stay.  I told her that Corben, their son could survive with one happy parent.  That he would know his mother love and they would be okay.

She started talking about all the sign of depression that I identified and told her that for as far back as I could remember, it was present in my dad’s side of the family.  My dad has never been diagnosed so to speak, but he carries most of the signs, and his mother was as bi-polar and the North and South Poles.  If she liked you, you were the best thing since sliced bread, but if you were not one of the chosen few that she liked, you were tossed out with the bath water.  Well I was bath water for a long time in her eyes.  Anyhow, TIff goes to the same doc that I do, and she recognizes the fact that she has a problem.  I told her that was the first step in healing.  (Damn, I preach better than I practice!)  I told her a reader digest version of my dealing with my depression and told her to make a doctors appointment.  I told her that I would go with her if she wished and she grinned and said,"I go the 12 at 9 am.)  So hopefully she wil keep the appointment and I will go along for moral support. 

Well thats all for now, I am going to watch some tv, read some of my book and relax.  I have blood work to be drawn in the early am to check all my levels, and then I am going to work midnites tomorrow night.  Hope I can make it all night.  Have a good night and God bless.  Please keep Tiff in your prayers.  She makes me proud every day of the year.