Too Much Drama to Dance

Dear Other Dancer,

In your recent e-mail to me you have expressed your concern with your treatment at the local venue we both dance at.  You informed another dancer and I that you feel the situation is unsafe and you feel uncomfortable there.  This is all fine and you are welcome to your opinion.  I understand that you do not have the self-confidence some of us more experienced dancers have and that can make situations more challenging for you.  I also understand that you seem to hold yourself to a high standard for performance expectations.  This too is your choice as a dancer.  I can totally accept this being the right decision for you.

I do, however, have to question what you were thinking in appealing to the owner of the establishment in a way that implied all three dancers there were on board with your concerns.  While I do appreciate that you are looking out for my personal safety and security, it’s really unnecessary.  I’m a big girl and can handle these things on my own.  If I had a problem I do have the ability to inform the staff myself, which I assure you, I would do.  Perhaps you think I’m just too timid and afraid to stand up for myself, but I assure you, I am more than capable.  I’m not afraid of standing up for myself, especially when personal safety is a concern.

You see, I have my own voice here.  I really appreciate being able to use that voice in a way that I see fit.  I like having the ability to speak for myself on how I am treated.  It hurts that you do not feel I have the ability to use that voice.  You must not or you wouldn’t have spoken for me in the way you did.

Perhaps you think you are some kind of authority on the matter.  I wonder if you feel that if you speak for us often enough and speak out about how you would like to be treated enough, the other dancer and I will just come to heel, obeying your every decree.  Then you could be your little dance queen in your little dance world and the rest of us would just drift along in awe of your superior knowledge.

I hate to break it to you, but you’re no authority in dance, nor are you any authority over me.  My decisions have been made based on well thought out research.  I am also much more comfortable with many aspects of the entertainment world that you are not.  I know these aspects are to be expected and many other dancers find them favorable.  I have also been dancing a good many years longer than you have, and while I hate to pull the seniority card, I do feel that my longer involvement in the dance community warrants me a little more wiggle room for making my own decisions.

Since we’re on the subject, I have a few concerns of my own to bring up.  This isn’t a personal attack in any way.  I don’t want to make you feel bad.  However, you did open the discussion with your insistence on talking to the owner on behalf of all of us when I don’t even agree with your complaints.

I would like to point out that you seem to have a problem with men.  You have no problems teaching dance to a man, nor watching one perform, yet you refuse to let men in your dance classes and to interact with men in performances.  When a man gets up and dances with you, you roll your eyes and wave him off.  You site these men as being problem men and that they’re getting out of hand, yet these are the very same men the other dancer and I have been able to handle with ease.  It would seem to me that your problem with these men is more personal than safety, given that no one else seems to have a problem with these men.

I’m not saying you don’t have a right to feel the way you do.  You have every right to feel any way you want about the situation.  It’s your person and your body and therefore I have no right to tell you what is right and wrong for you.  If you feel uncomfortable with this kind of behavior, then I sincerely think you have every right to get it handled.  All I ask is that you speak on behalf of yourself and no one else unless we all agree you are to be a spokesperson on this matter.

The way you treat these men who give you so many problems is causing them to leave after your performance, taking all their friends with them.  This leads to problems for the rest of us dancers as our audience is almost always cut by half as soon as you leave the stage.  Many of them are frustrated and feel like they’ve been treated poorly from things that would have gotten a good laugh when either the other dancer or I are on stage.  I really feel that turn of events is unfair as well.

Let’s face it, either you can handle the audience when you’re not dancing on a stage, or you can’t.  We’re not talking a classic Arabic audience here that knows all the standard Middle Eastern rules of conduct.  We’re dealing with young, American soldiers, many are barely old enough to be legal, never mind of drinking age.  In some cases they’ve never even seen belly dancing before.  They’re not going to know what the standards are in a Middle Eastern restaurant.  They’re just looking to have a good time, usually at the cost of making themselves look the fool.  Because of our proximity to the audience, they are going to get up to dance with you or get in your way.  This is the cost of the venue you’ve chosen.  Either you can deal with the audience there, or you can quit, but I’m not having you ruin the experience for the rest of us because you don’t know how to control the crowd.  You’re the entertainer!  Keep them in the palm of your hand!  Don’t let them get you running because once they know they’ve gotten to you, you’ve lost!

I’ve spoken to the owner and let her know how I feel about all of this.  I’m also planning to contact someone I find very knowledgeable in the field for a little bit of advice on how to handle you.  I don’t want to start a war here, but I also don’t want you to think it’s okay for you to talk for all of us in this matter.  It’s time we leveled the playing field, don’t you think?

From the now stressed out dancer,

~*~Raven Night~*~