Just an Update

This isn’t going to be everything that’s happened over the past couple days, but I’ll try to give the current status at least.  I’m not going to go into all the details.  Realistically it’s just too much to keep up on.  Things have been changing, and some of it I promised I wouldn’t share just yet.  I’m good at keeping secrets.

First off, yes, I’m on Fort Hood.  My family is safe and sound in our home.  It was all scary.  I’m sure everyone knows what happened there.  It was all over the news and all.  The whole thing happened just a mile or so from the house, which was pretty scary.  The kids took it wonderfully.  I just wish we weren’t going to be alone tonight.

With Oz, well, things are still shaky.  I understand a lot of why he did what he did.  I kind of get what he’s going through.  He’s coming over tomorrow and we’re going to talk, hang out, and have a quiet night.  I’m hoping that he’ll get a sense of being with me that’s actually a little more fair than what he’s had.  Whether we get back together or not is still up in the air, but we’re at least going to talk.  He’s kind of stuck in an awkward position right now and I think he’s having a hard time of it.

Oz is supposed to be coming over tomorrow night.  I’m not going to hold my breath.  He said he was going to come over here tonight too, but didn’t because the girl from work would have blown a gasket or something.  I don’t think that’s terribly fair.  I was the one close to the shooting and alone.  She was off post, at work, and out of harm’s way and has her sister at home to keep her company.  I have no one.  I think she’s just being a selfish bitch who doesn’t want to risk him deciding to be with me again.  I’m hoping that he gets to come over tomorrow night and doesn’t bail because she’s a controlling bitch and has him on a short leash.

Right now I’m less worried about him getting back with me than him being with this girl.  She’s very controlling and seems to have a violent temper.  She doesn’t want him to have anything to do with me.  I doubt she’s going to want him to see the birth or to have anything to do with this child.  I’m worried about him because someone so controlling and manipulative isn’t exactly what he needs in his life right now.

In other news, I’ve kicked the flu, for the most part.  I’ve got a bit of a lingering cough, but it’s nothing too bad.  I’m finally starting to feel hydrated again.  I’m still not eating well, but I’m eating.  Everything hurts, but not that kind of sickness hurt.  I’m finally feeling better.  Too much more of how I was feeling and I was going to have to go to the midwife.

Also, I’ve been cleaning the house.  It’s not exactly perfect.  It’s nowhere close to where it should be, but I’m making massive progress.  Yes, in part I’m doing this to show off to Oz.  However, a lot of it is because I really just need to suck it up and do it.  With his new room mate threatening to call CPS on me, I need to get the house clean.  I hate doing it because it’s a constant process, sweep the floor three times a day, doing dishes all the time, cleaning up laundry, having the kids pick up their messes.  It’s starting to feel like all I have time to do is clean, and I’m so bloody tired!  However, I have no choice.  My body aches.  I have to take breaks every five minutes or so because I can’t breathe.  Still, if I get this done and done right, CPS will come in to take my kids only to find a clean home with clean and happy children and they won’t have a thing to complain about.  I have to do this in defense of my children.  Besides, it’s good, healthy pattern to start.  That’s also why my body is starting to hurt.  I’ve been working so hard even though I’m pregnant.  It feels like there’s so much to get done in the next eight weeks, but no matter how hard I try, all I ever manage is tiny dents.

Finally, I’ve been writing letters to the baby.  I’m writing all about what’s going on so that the baby will understand what happened between it’s father and I when it gets older.  Then again, if we end up staying together, these letters may just mysteriously disappear.  I haven’t decided yet.

Anyhow, I’m waiting to see if Oz is going to call.  Even if he doesn’t my friend Scott is supposed to call.  I’ve got to get the dishes done.  Once that’s done, I need to get the table cleared off and the chairs that were left in the kitchen cleared and put back into the living room.  At the very least I need to do all those things for when Oz gets here tomorrow.  I’ll be stopping in to pick him up at work, so I’ll probably come early and wait in the lobby, heh.  And if he comes up with an excuse not to come over, well, at least the house is clean, right?  So I should get to doing some of that until one of them calls.

~*~Rave~*~