Life Colors, Aura Colors
Krystal has got me started on this whole aura color kick. I’m not sure how it happened, but it did. I used to proudly call myself an indigo, but now I’m seeing that’s not even close to true. Boy was everyone wrong. Even Becky was wrong, who called me and her daughter indigos. I’m certainly not and I doubt Annie is either. Annie’s too submissive to be an indigo. I’m starting to doubt a lot of what Becky said. However, what I found out really does put a lot of my life into perspective. It’s odd how things like that can make a difference.
First, for anyone who is interested in what I’m talking about, find out what color your own aura is here:
Aura Color Test
I’m actually looking through a book that I would recommend to anyone who is interested because I found a lot of thought provoking information in it, for me at least. It’s called Life Colors by Pamala Oslie. She goes into much more information than on any of the websites I’ve found, but her information holds true with the other sources I’ve seen. However, she does add a few colors that I haven’t seen elsewhere.
I’m a crystal. I seriously got 11 on the test as a crystal, and if I bumped that "sometimes" up to a "yes" the way I would in a positive and healthy situation, I would have gotten 12 as a crystal. The closest one after that is lavender at 9. After reading both, I’m pretty certain that I’m not actually a lavender, but I somehow developed it as a coping mechanism. Then again, it is suggested often enough that most people have two colors for their aura, so perhaps that’s it too. Anyhow, I’m going to go through the details of crystal with a few quotes and I’m going to point out anything that strikes particularly true and accurate, as well as anything that makes me doubtful. This could be dull for all of you, so feel free to skip over my self-analasys…but I’d be interested in what any of you have to say about it. However, I’m not going to bother with an assessment of lavender because the more I read through it, the more I think it’s just a coping mechanism and not so much a part of who I am. They tend to be too far off in their fantasy world, dreamers, visionaries, artists, writers…that’s just not who I am…
Crystal
Crystals are apparently rare. I’ve read a lot of information when everyone was telling me Aris was a crystal baby. Apparently they’ve become more common since 2008 since the indigo children are apparently making way for a more sensitive generation. It seems crystal is commonly associated with autism as well, though it’s not exclusive. However, having read more into it, I can understand a lot more as to why.
Crystals are "ayra chamelions". They tend to blend in with whoever they’re around, showing the traits of those people. I’ve known that about myself for a long time, but I honestly never thought it was anything more than just me. I didn’t think it was explicable by anything. However, apparently it is. Crystals tend to take on the traits of the people around them, which makes them very easy to get along with, but also makes crystals have glaring inconsistancies. This has unfortunately been a problem in my life. When around one person, I think and act in a particular way, then when I’m around someone new, I wonder what the hell I was thinking. Something will be a great idea around Annie, but when I’m around Gina, I’m thinking somehing entirely different, almost like my personality is more defined by the people I’m around than myself. I’ve always felt that somehow made me false, but I guess it’s just being true to myself.
I’ve also read that crystals tend to drain the energies of others. I’m a psychic vampire. It’s not a choice. I honestly can’t pull up energy from the earth. I have to rely on other people for that energy. I guess that’s kind of fitting too.
"In power, Crystals can be clear channels for healing energy." I guess that makes sense as to the reason people keep coming to me with their problems, even problems I can’t solve. On top of that, I’m always trying to fix the people I know because I want them to be happy. It’s like I’ll somehow be happy by surrounding myself with happy people. I don’t know, it’s odd. She goes on to mention that they don’t always understand their healing abilities and those same abilities often cause them to be frightened and overwhelmed. Yeah, I can see that in my life. They also mention needing to retreat and spiritually cleanse after helping someone heal, which sounds all to familiar, and that working with two many people can cause them to short-curciut. Good to know. That would certainly explain why working with Caelan so hard and long is making it so that any attempt to help anyone else who is hurting sends me off the deep end.
There is mention of a crystal’s environment being a pretty, clean, and gentle one, and how it’s healing for them to be surrounded by nature. Of course, a person would see my house and not believe that at all. What they don’t know is how much it overwhelms me to have my house a mess. I can’t function in a messy house. I also do very well with nature. There’s a reason I wanted to work with plants in biotech. There’s a reason I run away to sit under a tree and read, which is better for me than sitting on my own house. There’s a reason I hate Texas, because it doesn’t give me a chance to be outside without being eaten alive by ants. I miss that connection.
Apparently crystals are quiet, intuitive, quick thinkers and learners, and tend to love to read and watch movies, the theater… They avoid harsh people and environments. They are easily disillusioned with the people around them. They are easily overwhelmed in crowds. They tend to seem pretty withdrawn as a result. She talks about out of power ones being indecisive, constantly needing reassurance and guidance, and exceedingly dependent on other people to run their lives. Wow…that sounds like the situation I’m in right now. I can’t make this decision for myself and I really wish someone else would just make it for me and be over with. I’m not listening to what my intuition is telling me, and I really should. However, crystals in power tend to spend a lot of time communing spiritually and cleansing in order to keep from being overwhelmed. They tend to be very spiritual people. They tend to be quiet and well meaning, but often need to retreat from everyone else’s chaotic energy from making them fall apart.
In relationships, crystals are withdrawn. They pick up on the frustrations of their mates which ca
use them to be overwhelmed and fragmented. Sound familiar much? The positive "in power" crystals seem to be a very healing influence, while the "out of power" ones tend to withdraw and hide leaving their partners feeling disconnected. Wow…all I can think of is Caelan reminding me that I so often don’t want him to so much as touch me that he’s not sure how to approach me anymore. Whe I read that part I just kind of stared. That was an almost painful realization for me. It explains so much.
A lot of what they say in the relationship section is about safety, wanting to stay in the background and not be a decision maker "because it’s safe", not being agressive, ambitious or driven people. Wanting to have someone else to be the decision maker, to be the protector. They need someone who is patient and calm. They need safe and gentle relationships. I seriously just wanted to put the book away then and stop reading. It was scary…but I read on, and in some ways I almost didn’t…the next section was on that dreaded three letter word…sex…
"Crystals enjoy sex, but it can frequently be a traumatic experience for them. Because they interact with the other’s aura intensely during lovemaking, it is often painful for them to disconnect emotionally afterward. Fear of the resulting pain can cause them to either withdraw physically and emotionally from the other person or remail distant for protection, which makes them appear unfeeling or frigid. Crystals can remain single or celibate for long periods because of the potential emotional and physical trauma inviolved in intimacy."
That’s most of the paragraph there. So…you mean maybe I don’t have to search around in my blank slate of a background for some sexual abuse that made me the way I am? Maybe I’m just that way naturally? Maybe I can’t help it? Maybe there’s nothing wrong with me?!? You mean I might just be a normal girl and my lack of interest in an intimate relationship may be an acceptable reality of who I am without having to fear uncovering some terrifying childhood rape story? I mean, I’m pretty sure I bled that first time with Cwellan, so that cancelled out the idea of classic rape. With each passing day I get more and more terrified of what that sexual abuse might be. What if there isn’t any? You’d think this would be stressful for me, to know that maybe I’ll never heal, never be "normal", however, it’s a huge relief. There may be demons hiding that made me hurt like this, but there may not be! Maybe it’s just a part of who I am and I don’t need to heal, but perhaps instead find the right safe, patient, loving person! For me, this is good new!
As parents, crystals are, not surprisingly, overwhelmed by high energy children. They have a greater tendency to run away and hide, which makes so much sense about why I get so overwhelmed so easily with my kids. I tend to find myself often saying "Whatever, Corde", or "Just get out of my face for five seconds!" Crystals tend not to deal well with a lot of noise and confusion, which probably explains why there are some days I just want to have a melt down after having Krystal’s kids here all day. Yesterday was a particularly awful example. I was under so much stress from the children that I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry, or to run away and never come back. "They are not disciplinarians, nor do they take charge of most sitiuations. They usually depend on their mates to raise the children." Oh hell…with Caelan, I’m screwed…
Skimming over the section on crystal children, there was a couple details that struck out at me. Most are just like the adult details, however, they mention that, "In power, Crystal children are intelligent and can excell in most of their courses. Communication, drama, or speech classes can frighten them, however. They do not like expressing themselves in public or being the center of attention. Instead they enjoy classes that help them explore the beauty or meaning of life, classes such as art, philosophy, or music appreciation." Half of that is expected. My favorite classes in school were arts, history, literature/English, and psychology. However, half of that is a shocker for most people who know me. "But you love drama" they say, "You love being the center of attention!" No, I really don’t. I loved drama and acting because my aunt and my mom loved theater, as did my friends. I thought it would get me in their good graces. They’d love me more if I’d do this. However, the stage fright I get is pretty close to debilitiating. Until I find my comfort zone on stage and forget about the audience, I can barely squeak out my lines. I shake so badly that I can’t even hold it from my voice. I get so nervous that I almost throw up. I do better when there’s someone to hide behind. I also failed my prepared speech course with VICA. "What about dance? You like being the center of attention there!" Nope! I don’t! It’s one of the reasons I like having a troupe. I can hide behind them, even if I’m right out in front. I’m often the soloist or the leader because I have to be, or because I’m the most experienced. Yes, a part of me does crave being the center of attention, but then when I have it, I’m terrified and almost can’t do it. I really hate being a soloist…unless there’s a drummer I can really connect with. If there’s a drummer I can connect with, then it’s a different kind of magic. I’m not the center of attention because there’s no one else there. It’s just me and that drummer and the rest of the world falls away. It’s an intensely spiritual thing. I honestly don’t dance for my audience anymore. I dance for the spiritual salve it is for me.
In problem solving, crystals tend to stick with known territory. They’re really good at giving an objective summary, but they’re often not brave enough to offer their own solutions. Well, I’ve had to work hard at it, but I do now, however, if I feel I wasn’t heard the first time, I often don’t speak up again. And I’m always uneasy about it. I tend to wish that someone else would just pick up my thought and suggest it themselves. "Crystals prefer solutions that are simple, clear, uncomplicated, and low risk. They are definitely not executive decision makers."
In money, crystals look at it as providing security. They tend to be responsible with it. They don’t like to take risks or get into trouble, which seems to carry over to all aspects of my life… They’re not investors and often prefer to let someone else handle the money why they handle their spiritual life.
Success is based on spirituality and connection to the divine self….hmm…
"Crystals are drawn to occupations that are healing, artistic, creative, natural, quiet, simple, or reflective," which also sounds kind of familiar to me…
So that’s pretty much crystals, withdrawn, sensitive healers that are often afraid of their own shadow, don’t take risks, and don’t like to be the center of attention. They tend to be very spiritual and a little on the artistic side, though their prefered arts tend to be internal rather than external. They’re easily overwhelmed and need a lot of peace and quiet or they tend to fall apart.
It’s actually kind of scary how much of that rings true for me. However, it explains a good deal of the problems in my life. It explains a good deal about me. A part of me feels like it’s somehow false. Crystal is supposed to be the rarest aura color, so a part of me has to wonder if it’s just me trying to be rare, different, and exotic. In truth, I don’t want to be different. A part of me enjoys the fact that I’m not like everyone else, but I can’t help but think it would be so much easier if I was something that was more normal and less sensitive and fragile. I wish I could just stop being so fragile, but in a way it makes me feel better to know that I’m not just a freak. It’s okay to be that way because it’s just a part of who I am.
Well, I’m suddenly really tired. I just don’t have the energy to cope with writing a "normal" entry today. My head is pounding. I’m tired. The kids are annoying. I just can’t wait until bed time. Maybe I’ll just take a nap after Krystal gets her kids. Anyhow, I should get Aris. I’ve got to check on his foot… More on that when I have the energy to make a real entry…
~*~Rave~*~