Countdown Survey stolen from Phoenix

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say To Ten Different People Right Now:

1. Goddess how you irritate me!  You drive me absolutely out of my mind.  When things go bad and you get frustrated, just don’t take it out on me or anyone else.  It’s not fair to anyone, not even yourself.  You act too much like a drill sergeant.  You bark out something and expect everyone to jump right to it, kids and adults alike, though adults get more leway.  It just doesn’t work like that.  Use your brain.  Follow through with some of my requests for once.  You may find people have less problems with you and start listening more, especially when it comes to children.

2. I’m sorry, but your kids are out of control.  I know that’s not entitrely your fault.  Their time with their dad and grandmother seems to be playing a large part in that.  However, they need to be taught to respect other people’s property.  If you don’t teach them that respect, I will, but I think they’ll take it a lot better from you.

3. Sorry, but the drama in your life is something you brought entirely on yourself.  I warned you that getting involved with him wasn’t that smart.  I told you that you didn’t sound happy and you should reconsider your opinions on the matter.  I’m not surprised you didn’t listen, but don’t expect any sympathy.  I have none.

4. I’ve stopped going to circle because it drains me and because I don’t enjoy the people there.  They’re miserable and petty, just like you.  There’s more cliques than high school.  Sorry, but I have no interest in that kind of life.  I’ve grown up beyond that.  I know there are people who claim to agree, but they always keep going back.  It’s because they can’t live without the drama.  They need it in their life, so they let you keep it going for them.  Well, I’m not playing in your game of favorites.  I know I was cast out because you couldn’t control me.  Oh well.  I’ve moved on in my life and I’m happier without it.  I don’t want to say this to encourage the drama (hence it’s being said in a countdown survey as a wish I could say because actually saying it would only do just that), but I feel it needs to be said because there is a power to naming the problem, naming the reason for my actions.  Now that I’ve done just that, I feel better.

5. I love you to death, girl, but we’re just so different.  I honestly don’t know if this is all going to work out, working together and all of that.  You have your vision and I have mine.  They seem to be very different.  At times I waver in your direction, but I’m very divided in that.  Your sense of humor keeps me going, and that’s great, but that sense of humor just isn’t who I am.  I think if we’re going to incorporate our personalities, we need to incorporate all of our personalities.  We need to do something where we can all express our individuality.  That and you speak of things that you aren’t comfortable with and include people who have told me just the opposite.  If you feel you’re not comfortable with something.  Tell me that YOU aren’t comfortable with it.  I won’t judge you as being any lesser for it.  It’s a part of who you are.  Lumping other people in with it won’t make it any better.  It will just aggrivate the situation.  Like I said, we all need to be true to ourselves.

6. I really wish we could be closer.  I really wish you hadn’t cast up this wall between us the day I didn’t graduate.  I wish that wall didn’t get more impenetrable when I had Corde.  I wish it hadn’t been built up again and again over the years.  I don’t know what happened, or why you felt the need for this wall.  I’m sorry we’ve suddenly become so different that you couldn’t identify with me anymore.  I didn’t mean for this to happen.  I just don’t know how to make it better.  I’ve tried and tried, but I just need to give up.  It’s in your hands now, and I’m done grieving for the fact that you don’t care enough to try.

7. I don’t know what I did to make you play favorites like this.  I don’t know why I should have my rights violated and yet you and the people on your good list should never have such a fate.  I don’t know why it’s alright for my sister to say something, yet if I were to say the same thing it would be a scandal.  I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done to make you feel I’m such a horrible person.  I just want you to know that no matter how you feel about me, my choices, or my ideas, I’m happy.  I’m happy with the person I’m becoming.  I’m following my own path in life.  I’m finding my destiny.  I’ve got two beautiful children, a troupe that I love spending time with,  and I’m making my own way in life.  If that’s not enough for you, I’m sorry, but I think it’s important that you know I’m not the failure you thought I’d be, and I’m finally figuring out how to be happy.

8. This is who I am.  I’m a belly dancer.  I’m a fire performer.  I’m that freak with green hair.  I’m the cute little boho girl.  I’m the one who wears those funky camo pants.  I’m the one who wears yoga bras like they’re shirts.  I’ve shaved my head, wear wild, goth makeup, and all of that.  I’m a bit of a shocker of a girl.  I’m not "normal".  However, I’m also a good mother.  I’m a willing volunteer.  I’m friendly.  I’m polite.  I’m pretty patient and I have a long fuse.  I knit and crochet.  I sew costumes.  I make dolls.  I like to bake.  I’m a lot more domestic than I seem.  I may look wild, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be a good volunteer and a useful resource.  Look at me for what I’m capable of, not what I look like on the outside.  You may be surprised what you find.

9. You know, I care about you more than I’m willing to admit.  I think you’re the one person I would actually consider leaving Texas without Caelan for.  I know it would never work out, so don’t worry.  I know we’d never last.  Still, I have this silly little hope that maybe some day it would.  I don’t know, maybe you’re just the impossible dream because it helps to have one sometimes.  I can use you as my standard for Mr. Perfect without ever having to fear that reality being shattered.  I know it’s weird, but I guess I need some hope of someone different when things get bad and I fear there will never be anyone else should things fall apart here.  I don’t know.  It’s silly, but you should know I’m that kind of silly by now.  I’ve just been feeling this way since I’ve met you and I really needed to get it out of my system.

10. My life isn’t like yours.  My priorities may not be what you want them to be.  My GED or diploma isn’t that important to me.  Getting a college education isn’t my goal in life.  My children don'<span style="font-size: smal

l;”>t need to compare themselves to me or my life.  Yes, sometimes they do need to see me as an example, but there are so many other ways I can be an example.  Besides, in truth, they never need to know that I didn’t graduate.  I don’t have to tell them and that doesn’t mean I have to lie.  My house being clean to your standards isn’t important to me.  I’d rather just hire a maid.  I don’t want the life you tell me to lead.  I want the life I want to live.  I want to believe in the things I believe in.  I want to live my life in the means of my chosing.  While I appreciate the help, I don’t want someone telling me how to live.  I don’t wnat to be judged or told I’m not doing a good enough job because I don’t live up to your standards.  I don’t need to be good enough for anyone but me and my family.  Just stop pressuring me already.  It isn’t helping me any.

Nine Things About Myself:

1. I’ve always thought I was an indigo child.  The more research I do, the more wonder if I’m actually approaching being a crystal.  The more research I do, the more similarities I find I have with crystals.  Maybe I’m an early forerunner, or maybe I’m changing and adapting, going from indigo to crystal.  I don’t know, but I thought it was interesting.

2. I’m an artist.  If I were any good at painting or art, it would be just the same.  I’m not, so I dance.  I write.  I occasionally write poetry.  Like most artists, I forget about my house so it gets messy.  I forget about things that need to be done.  I’m disorganized.  I’m horrible with schedules and being on time.  I’d make the perfect starving artist!

3. I don’t like being different.  I like self-expression.  Unfortunately, that love of self-expression leads people to think I’m trying to go for shock value.

4. I’m perhaps way too patient.  That means people tend to walk all over me, but it also means I have an infinitely long fuse, which means I can put up with the people who need the most care, even though sometimes I want to strangle them.  I guess that’s a plus for someone who feels like they’re going the direction of the healer.

5. I’m one of those people who would be good with a big family.  I love having kids around.  Even kids that aren’t mine, as long as they’re fairly well behaved, happy kids.  I think I could handle a family of ten!

6. I have this secret love of chick music and romantic movies…and no one expects it of me.

7. I’m not a cute little submissive girl.  That’s just not who I am.  Sorry, but it’s my life, my kids, my house, my rules.  Don’t like it?  Take a hike.  Does that sound submissive to you?

8. While I seem like a brave, outgoing person, it’s all an act.  I’m really painfully introverted.  It’s to the point that I have a hard time functioning around people I don’t know at all and go through periods where I just want to tell everyone to go away and hide in my own quiet place.

9. I’m strangely tied to the seasons, and not just sexually.  In the fall and winter I craft more.  In the spring and fall I enjoy hiking.  In the winter I like to bake.  In the summer I like to sit somewhere with a cool breeze or AC and listen to loud music, perhaps dance and sit around campfires.  There’s so many more ways it’s true.  It’s strange because I never thought I was that tied to the wheel of the year.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart:

1. Be honest with me.  I don’t appreciate those who lie and hide things.  You might just be surprised what I’d put up with, as long as you’re always honest.

2. Respect my boundries and be prepared to deal with the consequences when you cross the line.  Those boundaries are there for a reason.  They protect the fragile person I am inside.  If you cross them, be ready to pick up the pieces if I shatter.

3. Appreciate me for what I do, no matter how small the effort may seem.  Sometimes those tiny efforts are really a much bigger deal than you may think.  Such little things like washing the dishes or picking up around the house may seem like mundane things to you, but to me, they’re a really big effort and require me breaking my usual habits to do so.  It doesn’t even have to be anything big.  Just a thank you is usually enough, something to acknowledge the effort and appreciate that I did it because you’d want me to.

4. Love me for who I am, and that means accepting all of me, even my children.  I’m a mom.  That’s part of my life.  You’ve got to take me for everything, and tha means them too.

5. Take care of me when I need it most, especially when I’m broken, and never make me feel guilty about it.

6. Romance isn’t everything, but a romantic gesture now and again certainly doesn’t hurt anything!

7. Love life and all it brings, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  It’s those experiences that make us who we are.

8. Be passionate about something, anything.  If you don’t have a passion, you don’t have much of a life…

Seven Things That Cross My Mind A Lot:

1. Why are children today so spoiled and bratty?

2. Aww…Aris is so incredibly adorable.  How did I ever get so lucky?

3. I’ve got so much to do!  I’m never getting it all done in time!

4. Why did I wait until last minute again?

5. Who is doing what to whom?  And why is someone screaming?  Again…

6. Seriously kids, back off and leave me alone!  Harassing me isn’t going to make me do what you want any faster…

7. Cheesy crows, people, it’s not that hard!d

Six Things I Do Before I Fall Asleep:

1. Untangle the blankets so I can actually get into bed.

2. Turn out all the lights in the house, usually after I’ve already gotten into bed and realize I left one on.

3. Get up again and go get my phone and sit it beside my bed, just in case.

4. Clean my nose ring to get off all the gunk from the day, and sometimes my earrings too.

5. Check my earrings about ten times to make sure they won’t fall out in my sleep.

6. Check if the alarm is set for the billionth time so that I know I can get up in the morning.

Five People Who Mean A Lot: In order of appearance…

1. Caelan

2. Corde

3. Aris

4. Gina

5. Krystal

Four Things I’m Wearing Right Now: And it’s a good thing it’s only four because that’s all I’m wearing…

1. Black yoga bra

2. White panties

3. Blackjazz pants

4. Black BDU jacket

Three Songs That I Listen To Often (Currently):

1. Fall, Kay Hanley

2. Up All Night, Charolette Martin

3. Mystery, Gypsy Caravan

Two Things I Want To Do Before I Die:

1. Dance as part of a professional show.

2. Have a house of my own, decorated the way I like it, with space for a studio of my own.

One Confession:

1. I really, REALLY want to have another baby…and would be more excited to have twins…