Care Team and FRG

Well, my plans just totally went out the window!  Oh well, what can you expect with the Army?  Things always whip around in a way you don’t expect.

Last night I went to the Care Team training.  Care Team is the group of people from the FRG that go in and help the spouse and family after the death of a soldier.  They stay until the friends or family can come down to help them sort it all out.  The idea is to help the spouse keep it together until help arrives, and keep them progressing through the things that need to be done in order to maintain some semblance of a normal life, from doing the dishes to getting the kids to school, to making meals or running errands.

I went to the training, not entirely sure what to expect.  I honestly wondered how much you could get through in just a few short hours, but I was quite surprised.  I had more answers than I would have expected.  I actually know what Care Team is now.  Before it was just a general idea.  Now I actually have a pretty good concept of it.  I think it’s something I really want to be involved with.

The night went pretty well.  I had all sorts of people coming up to talk to me.  I was really surprised.  One of he women had seen me in Hobby Lobby.  Another happened to be the woman sitting next to me.  She was really nice.  Then there was a woman who came over to ask me about knitting.  She’d never seen anyone knitting in the round before.  I just so happened to be knitting a pair of arm warmers for Gina in funky vintage country colors.  I saw the previous FRG leader who said not a word to me the whole time.  There was some weird energy there.  It was an interesting night.  I was fair well accepted by everyone and even really kind of enjoyed myself.  Some of the people they had talk were really great too.  I actually found myself enjoying some of the Army wives that surrounded me, even if they were people I had nothing in common with and wouldn’t normally associate with.  I’m not a huge fan of Army wives, but I think my perspective is changing.  I’m finding some wives that make it worth it.

Last night’s experience gave me a good deal of confidence.  I’ve gotten to know the woman who is standing in as head of the FRG on a temporary basis, so that’s a lot of help.  I’m going to at least be a co-leader on the FRG, as well as helping as treasurer.  There is a possiblity they’ll need me as the FRG leader.  A part of me doesn’t want to do it, but a part of me does.  I think it could be a great learning experience for me.  We’ll see where it goes.  Either way, I’m really excited about being a part of it.  For those of you who have been reading for a while, the FRG has been my biggest disappointment.  To a degree, I think that’s one of the reasons things went so sour with Caelan and I.  I had no support.  I didn’t know what was available to me.  In truth, our relationship went to hell because it’s just he and I.  I think having something to help us through all of this could really be a big help.

I know, I know.  This hurts my option of moving to Austin.  This means I’m possibly not going to have the time to go to college now.  In reality, I’ve got to take some time to figure out what I really want anyway.  Perhaps being involved with the Care Team and the FRG will give me a better perspective on Army life.  Perhaps I’ll figure out that I want to be involved there.  There’s every chance that something will work out there.  Either that or my involvement will make me realize that I hate the Army and will encourage me in my choice.  Either way, I’ll have a more solid foundation to base my opinion on.  I’ll have given it an honest chance in every capacity I can.  I’ll have the resources to see if I can get Caelan to do something about our relationship.  I think it’s a good way to give this life one last chance before I decide to run off and do my own thing.

Honestly, I have so many positive things going on in my life right now.  This time last year I was still involved with circle.  I was trying to get involved with the FRG.  I was trying to find my way around when it came to living as an Army wife.  I had a baby that was still pretty small.  I was looking for opportunities to dance.  I had so much that had potential, but it all just collapsed in my face.  A few months after all that hope, it all imploded, crashing down in a way that I really never recovered from.  I stopped dancing with Wyldefyre.  Chad left.  Annie left not long after.  I went home and almost couldn’t bear coming back.  I was pretty miserable.  This year I’m not sure I’ll be going home for Christmas.  I’m not sure what we’ll be doing.  However, I do have dance.  I have plenty of opportunities for it as well.  I have friends here, real friends.  Corde has kids to play with almost all the time.  My life isn’t so bad.  Yes, things with Caelan are still pretty rough, but other aspects of my life are working much better.  I’m getting involved with the FRG.  I’m meeting new people.  I’m making an effort when it comes to the Care Team.  I’m making headway when it comes to dance.  I’m finding a place where I belong.  I’m keeping myself open to things I normally wouldn’t consider.  I’m making decisions in my life that needed to be made.  I’m actually planning for my future.  Things are happening.  My life is progressing.  This is a good thing!  I’m actually finding I’ve got a capacity for happiness in my life.  It’s still complex with many failings, but I’m getting there.

Last night I was given the emblem for the brigade, a small gold charm with enamel for the details.  I doubt it would be considered anything special.  However, I’m wearing it now.  I know it’s silly but I am.  I’m a part of this now, as much as I may try and deny it.  I’m getting involved with the FRG.  I’ve got the Care Team training.  It’s becoming so much of a part of who I am that it’s undeniable.  I never thought I would see it that way, but I have.  The Army has changed my life in so many ways, more than just what I do every day.  I hate to say it, but in some ways I can’t imagine my life without it.  I can’t imagine a world where people don’t know what the emblem now dangling at my throat on a narrow velvet ribbon is.  I can’t imagine a world where people don’t understand.  I never realized just how much a person is changed by something so simple as an association with the military.  I never thought it would have this effect.  I’m not that involved, right?  I guess I was wrong.  I may not know everything, but I can’t deny how much it’s a part of my life.  So, I know, wearing my little emblem is a bit too much like wearing a tag, a label, but in truth, it’s more that I’m showing one of the many things

that have forged me.

That being said, I’m going to go to the spur ride when they have it.  If you don’t know, well, it’s a cav thing.  Strangely enough, I’m starting to learn what it’s like to be cav.  Who would have known that someone like me would get used to something like cav.  It’s strange.  Anyhow, I’ll have a chance to do it, so I want to.  We’ll see what happens.

And in all this, I’ve still got to work on my costumes!  I’ve made a whole bunch of tassels for my tassel belt.  However, I haven’t found the denim I need to like the tassel belt.  I’ve got the fabric for the pantaloons, but I haven’t made them.  I’m just glad that I have back-up costume stuff, so if I don’t have enough time to make everything I need, I can at least have something.  All the essentials (aside from the pantaloons) are already either done or I have a piece I can substitute, so that makes my life easier.  We’ll see what happens.  I’m also knitting a pair of funky vintage-like armwarmers for Gina.  They’re kind of vintage looking country.  The colors are kind of muted.  She’s going with a lot of denim in her costume.  It’s cute.  We’re going to have the country girl, the gypsy, and me.

Well, I should get back to the grind.  I’ve got a lot to get done and that’s not even mentioning that I still need to clean my house and get ready for dance class.  This is going to be crazy.  Anyhow, yeah, I need to go have a life…or more accurately, live it.  Spending an hour and a half on the phone with the woman from the FRG earlier certainly didn’t help me get stuff done around here!

~*~Rave~*~