Rollercoaster Ride of a Week
Too many surprises this week…and it’s only Wendesday…
I answered my phone on Monday. It was the guy from Caelan’s unit that thinks I’m hot and would like to get something on with the two of us…or at least me from the sounds of it…he could care less if my husband is there. Anyhow, he caught me off guard and I didn’t know what to say. I should have hung up on him. Instead I called Caelan after I got off the phone and told him to deal with it.
That night I went to class. Only Krystal and Gina showed up. Krystal is going to be dancing with us at November Noir. Plans changed. Music changed. We’re all good.
Then at class, Hawk called. He asked me if it’d be okay to give Harrison my number so we could talk about a choreography. So we’re going to be doing a choreography together! Great! I’m excited about that.
Tuesday ended on a good note because we just found out Caelan finally got his promotion to Specialist! Aside from that it was a pretty normal day. We picked our new music and all of that. However, when I got home, I found out that Kim will be performing at the show on Thursday with Sara. My heart fell through the floor. I just didn’t know if I wanted to do it anymore, but I must go on.
Then this morning I find that Kim and Sariah have decided to sit this one out. I was so relieved. Seriously, I almost jumped up and started dancing around the living room. I put on music and started jamming! I was thrilled. It was one less stress I had to deal with.
However, there was a problem. After class tonight, Caelan called. We were just packing the kids in the car after Krystal and I took them to McDonalds when he dropped the bomb… He’s not going to be home tomorrow. I need to take the kids or find a sitter. Slight problem… The show is at a bar. I can’t take the kids. At least, I’m not sure if I can. If I can’t and can’t find a sitter then I don’t know what I’ll do. I could very well be screwed. I may not be going to the show after all.
Well, I get online and find out that Kim is going to be there, just dancing with Wyldefyre, not with Sara. Well, that’s just the knife I needed in the side today. Not only do I have to find a babysitter to go to this damn show, but if I don’t, it’s going to look like I childishly backed out because Kim is going to be there and Wyldefyre is my crew, not hers. That means I have to find some way to make it work or she’s going to win.
This is just…I don’t know. I just want to burst out in tears and cry until the world turns out a better place. I just don’t know how much I can do these wildly swinging pendulums before one day I just get taken out on the back swing. And, of course, as I’m saying that I’m hearing booms so loud they litterally shake the house…this is going to be a long night…
I’m just starting to wonder if I’ll ever make it as an Army wife. Army life doesn’t suit me. It’s been nothing but an irritant and a frustration. It’s made my life hell and hasn’t given me enough in return to call it a fair trade. I am just so frustrated, angry, and fed up when it comes to the Army. It’s hard because I want to express to someone how much I hate it, how much I think it’s entirely fucked up the way they view life around here. I want to tell people I don’t give a shit about patriotism. I don’t give a damn if my husband is "doing his duty". It’s a job. It’s a job I partucularly hate for all the problems it causes me. More importantly, I don’t support the war my husband is being forced to fight in. He keeps trying to sell me on the idea, but honestly, I just don’t give a damn.
I should just stop this now. There’s nothing positive that can come from this.
So let’s move on… I’ve got pictures…
I took this picture…hmm…a little over a month ago. Look! It’s me with glasses! That’s a rare site to be seen!
There’s the burn…nasty looking, isn’t it? It’s really not near as bad as it looks. As for the scar at my wrist…that was from Pookah when we moved in. I miss that cat… You can even almost see the faint brown tones of the henna if you look really hard…
Here’s the new look! New earrings. New studd in the nose. What do you think? I look so much more…normal. And that’s my hair actually kind of fitting in a half pony! I don’t look so much like a freak! What happened?!?
Here’s a closer look at those new earrings. Pretty, huh? And yet, so simple!
And, finally, a very classic "me" picture. Don’t ask what’s up with the facial expression. I have absolutely no idea. However, I oddly like this picture and find it strangely flattering. My hair looks so nice in this picture! I think another inch or two and I’ll have it just the length I like it!
And because I need to stick with the positives…especially today…
1) I’ve got new pictures!
2) My new earrings look great. Just look at them! Aren’t they great?
3) Krystal will be dropping her kids off with me Monday morning, and this may be a regular arrangement. Even without getting paid, it will give Corde some valuable time to socialize, which she sorely needs.
4) I had my first class where I dragged the kids. It went over pretty well, all considering. It was only a minor disaster. It could have gone a lot worse. Next time I need to make sure Aris gets more of a nap first.
5) I got to take a nice, long, relaxing shower this morning that was only interrupted at the very end by Corde asking to take a bath. I needed that so badly…
6) I get to perform in Austin tomorrow! I’m not sure how the details are going to work or
any of that, but I’m at least excited about the event!
7) In all of this, I’m getting a lot of time to find out who I am as a dancer. I’m finding my place in the dance community, as odd as that sounds, and finding where I belong. Now if only I understand deeper than the way my body naturally moves to the sound of the music or the heartbeat of the drums!
8) I’ve decided to change my picture on my diary again…and probably the color scheme. I probably won’t get to it for a couple days, but I need to do it. It’s time. It’ll be so much fun!
9) Krystal and Gina are a huge reason to smile right now…
10) I had this total crunchy parenting moment earlier today. I just looked at the kids and thought "This is it! This is what being a mom is supposed to be like! Why can’t every moment be like this?" We got in the car without arguments. We listened to kids songs on the way to dance class. Corde and I talked a bit. It was nice. I can honestly say that was the first 100% pleasant parenting moment I’ve ever had!
~*~Raven Night~*~