The Magic Fix

It’s been a while since I’ve even looked at the theme of the week, never mind actually wrote one for the theme of the week.  I honestly don’t know if I ever have.  However, my dear Phoenix has gotten me interested in this weeks theme.  As a result, I’m sucked in.  I’m hooked.

If you could pick one relationship in your life to magically "fix", who would it be and why? What do you think is stopping you from fixing it normally?

There it is.  it seems simple enough, right?  Most people already know who they would fix their relationship.  Most people have some idea.  It’s easy, right?

Not for me.

I thought about this for a minute.  There are so many obvious choices.  My relationship with Caelan has been hell.  My relationship with my mother and my sister has been rocky.  I’ve had my moments with my kids.  There’s Annie, Becky, Kim, the FRG.  There’s tons of possibilities.  Most of them are easy selections, or ones with an easy answer, that I tried and they just don’t care enough to make effort on their end.  It would be the easy road.

Then I thought about Phoenix’s answer.  She would fix her relationship with herself.  I’ve been there before, trust me, I have.  For once I can actually say that I’m proud of myself.  I’m happy about my relationship with myself for once.  It’s been a long road, but I’m there.  I can honestly say I’m happy with the person I am today, flaws and everything.

So who is left?  I’m sure there’s got to be someone.  There’s someone or something important in my life that I need to work on a relationship with.  I’ve named everyone, haven’t I?

Well, I’ll be honest.  To pick anyone in the first group I listed would just be fluff.  It would make my life easier, but I’d end up leaving, moving away, or otherwise putting it behind me.  In the case of Caelan, he’s working on it.  That’s part of the journey.  It’s part of the quest to becoming a whole person again.  It’s part of being who you want to be.

Taking a deep breath and thinking about it, I don’t think I’d want a magic fix on any of my relationships.  I enjoy working hard to make my relationships better.  However, if a partial fix was offered, I think I’d want it with Caelan.  I think I’d want to find somewhere closer to what I need from him so there would be less work to go on fixing it.  The only thing I’d really need fixed in that case would be having him listen to my needs and actually do some of the things that I want him to do.  Not all of them, just some of them.  I want him to have the freedom to make his own decisions, but I’d like us to be a little further to the point of getting there.  I’d like him to be ready to go on to the next step already!  I am working to fix it.  Nothing is truly stopping me, aside from his own progress, but I think I’d like it to be closer to there already.

Thinking about it, I really am a lucky, gifted person.  If it takes that much work to figure out what a magic fix would be, and then to determine I’m not sure I’d even want one, I must be lucky.  I’m very loved, even though I have my fueds.  I may not be loved by all the people I wish cared.  I may not have the relationships I want with all the people I would like them with.  However, I’m doing pretty well for myself.  I’m not in bad space.  I’m actually doing alright.

So that being said, I think it’s time to end this theme of the week and move on.  I’ve learned something valuable about myself today.  Maybe I’ll start doing these things more often…

~*~Raven Night~*~