.x. Knitted Nerves

“Oh you’re still here.”

It happened weeks ago and I was angry about it then but it like… randomly occurred to me this morning that this is what actually happened and I’m annoyed all over again. Like being in a job for TWO years is even ever an occasion to say “Oh you’re still here” and as if you can fucking talk you giant twat. It’s not like you’ve done anything spectacular with your life to brag about anyway. And considering you’re still a patient at the public dental service I highly doubt you can judge me.

Me being me, I’ve kind of gotten myself into this ridiculous mess. I’m bored. I’m lonely. I’m still kind of in contact with one person I met on OK Cupid whose… fucked up and actually kind of immature for someone who is about three years older than me. Last night he offered to buy my clothes/give me money if I came out and pretended to be his girlfriend while he and his friends were bowling.

Let’s just say I am not attracted to this guy at all. I don’t know… I think maybe he was shocked that a) I could keep up with him intellectually and b) occasionally surpassed him when we started talking/meet that now he’s just trying way to hard to impress me. I’m starting to lose patient and basically I am an evil person because I’m essentially using this poor bastard to entertain me.

I miss that one boy. Of course. But you know, that a dark black inky thing that’s an all all-consuming yet too hard to think about or even write about.