Midnight Clear

Midnight on Christmas is always kind of sad. The excitment of Christmas Eve has faded, and families have gone their seperate ways, and now the Christmas Tree waits only to come down… his big morning now hours passed.

And i sat on the couch all night with nothing to think about but you. Where were you on that Midnight clear as i wished i was in your bed. Nothing would have ended Christmas more nicely than warming myself on your chest and feeling your heart beat into my back.

So, i wonder. what it this anyway? i don’t love you, so why do i miss you. Do i even miss you or do i just want an easier way to transition from Holiday to everyday?

Who is on my side of your bed tonight, or are you sleeping in a bed that is not your own.

i want to lay in bed with you and share Christmas stories, and our families would meld for one moment in the heat between our resting bodies as you tell me about your kids, and i sleepily recall each present my family opened. And all hopes and fears would vanish just for a second as you kissed my head.

Yet, i sat alone in front of the Christmas tree who only then realized his big day was through, and i felt like crying because it was just me in that room. Nothing new, of course, but holidays highlight the things you have AND those you don’t.

i stand by it: i don’t love you. Hell, i don’t miss you. All i know is that i want you around. Not just for holidays, but for everydays too.