Thank You Derby

i had my first Roller Derby bout a couple of weeks ago.

We lost, but it was amazing. In a matter of months this emelye jayne has become dot stoevsky. i put on my red dress, my fishnets, my socks, and my skates, and i rolled out onto the track where hundreds of people watched us. The people: loyal fans and family, friends, strangers, and co-workers watched as we skated our hearts down to nothing. What i had left was a mear fraction of my heart ; however, that little piece beat harded and more full of love than it has for years.

i love my team, and i love my team mates, and our adversaries, and our fans, and my skates.

Roller Derby saved me. It came to me when i was at my lowest. When Ari had come and gone and left me a lone after three years. When i felt as though i was nothing but a fat waste of space.

It’s funny, i still feel that way, but now i am a pivot for a team that needs every member it has. i know i am replaceable, but my team is like a family, and our skating flows together. . our skills (and lack of skills) adhere to one another to make one moving person.

i stood before the mirror just as the bout was to begin, and i saw two people there: emelye jayne and dot stoevsky. Both were nervous. Scared. Worried. Excited. Self-concious. emelye jayne would never have buged, but i have a little dot in me now, and she rolled us out there to face something i never could have. . . even when Ari was here.

i am no worse for the wear after our ending; perhaps i am even better now.

Thank you Roller Derby. Thank you everyone on TRD for helping me find the person underneath all the sterilie soil.

i know i have a long way to go, but the season is young, and i have new wheels.

–emelye jayne "dot stoevsky"