Existential Crisis Number 641

Nothing EVER changes.  Really. It is going to be 75* all winter, and i am going to be lonely and have totally insane fits of suicidal fear of aging and loneliness and Tucson will have a lot of Traffic and Justin will be (and i quote him here) "waiting for something better."

i am currently searching for Deanna, but am too chicken to walk in to her job and just ask for her. Nothing is going to end this leg of the crisis without talking to her. Or Jenny, but i am sure Jenny is sick of me.

So, what to do? Strap on my skates and skate it all out.

i have been desperate to die lately. i have been packing up my stuff so no one will have to sort through it. i am too old for all this shit. Too old to have existential dilemmas.

So, what to do? Chew three Klonopin and pretend i am all glamourous and dark and sullen and that i don’t need anything. But i do.

i need someone to tuck me in at night and to argue with me about going out on Fridays. i need someone to love me again.

The time has come my little friends. . .

i don’t have that. i never will, but i have RollerDerby and Klonopin and Deanna somewhere out there.

Where is my damn essence?