has Been

Tomorrow marks the “one week” milestone of me at my stupid job. We have two weeks worth of traning, and then i am on the phones. i know i am not going to like this job much, but it is going to help me be not in debt, out of the house, and, you know: working.

As much as i hate working, i hate NOT working even more, so i am glad to be somewhere. ‘

Okay, WHY am i watching Carrie 2: The Rage?

Lately i have been feeling like such a has-been. i feel old and faded and slower than anything. i am watching people around me grow up, and i am not growing at all, just getting old. i think i like a boy that does not need liking by me. i think i need to write and end this blockage. i need education and something fresh.

And, well, i don’t know.

School is starting soon. The one dumb class i am going to take, and i am excited about it. i need something to push me, or the grad school thing is going no where.

WHY an i watching this movie?

Iris Pale

October 10, 2002

dude, I was so not excited about getting older. Before I know it I’m going to be 30, then 40, then I’ll just die. In leu of having any real problems like being homeless or hungry or diseased, I’ve decided to have an existential crisis. Or something.

There’s no such thing as has-beens. You have to define your own style (which I think you do quite nicely). Trying to keep up with everyone is a losing game. There’s nothing wrong with taking a different road, or just floating. As much as I shouldn’t feel down on myself, you shouldn’t doubly so. C’mon girl, cheer up, I like you, Chuck likes you, and YOU NEED TO LIKE YOU. (like I’m one to talk)

stray cat strutting

October 13, 2002

because you are a secret pyromaniac? 🙂 But you are far from a has-been. You are just getting started, sweetie!

lets spend all our money on lottery tickets and when we win we will buy a house and drink continuously and have a boy harem. mmmmmm sex and drunkeness.