Railroad tracks for a Bed

Dear Emelye,

i have spent a great deal of time with you, and tonight i feel comfortable enough to tell you what i’ve observed.

ONE:
You have a fear of intimacy that stems from your obsessions with you inadequacies as a female. You’re fat and gross, which inhibits you from allowing yourself to let go both sexually and emotionally. You compare yourself too much to your friends who are flawlessly beautiful, and that makes you want to run from interaction with anyone.

TWO:
You want to help people, save people, and provide for people, but you have failed miserably. This also makes you feel like a failure.

THREE:
You moved back to Tucson. This makes you a loser. You hate yourself for it.

FOUR:
Get over the boys that haunt you. They don’t love you. How can they? Why should they?

FIVE:
You’re not smart, and your need for intellectual stimulation is bull shit.

SIX:
Staying in your house is a good idea. Spare people your presence.

With condolences,

emelye

stray cat strutting

August 27, 2002

Dear Emelye, 1) you are beautiful; 2) you are smart; 3) you are NOT a failure; 4) you should read Daylight’s diary on pay-OD… she also just moved to NYC, where things didn’t work out, and moved back to the west coast after a few months. She’s not a failure either. 5) you are beautiful; 6) your friends love you, and how can anyone NOT love you? Love,

prdrprincesa

you are so wonderful and beautiful and great, i can’t believe that you would think otherwise…

I was going to say “they can’t hurt you unless you let them.”, but it’s the other way around. You are your harshest critic, but you can also be your biggest supporter. Let go, and love yourself the way the we do.

from what i can see you are not only frighteningly smart but one of the best writers i’ve found. boys will always haunt you. and if i’m a failure for coming home too then i’m in great company.

ryn: i love you and your kind, beautiful words to me. thank you and i’ll dream with you. just take my hand.

Don’t do that to yourself, there are too many people doing that to themselves, it’s rarely true the negative things you think about yourself. I know that all of us fall into that trap sometimes, but we need friends, like yourself, to pull us out of them. Wake up! You only get one chance at this! No point in being negative. 🙂 Someone will love you for the wonderful girl you are, trust me.

it feels so retchedly horrible inside when the one person who inspires me more than anyone feels this way. i love you…and you are incredibly beautiful and perfect to me..i know you hear this bullshit on the diary all the time but you have no idea how much i mean it. i think you are incredible and nothing you do or think or write is worthless. please know that i love you and you are so beautiful.

Iris Pale

August 28, 2002

Christ, your doppleganger twin (however that’s spelled) is one evil motherf*cker!! Kick her ass and tell her to go away. Join me with my friend Denial. We don’t think about how we’re not perfect or about how we suck. We have cocktails, and we’re expecting Mr. Maldonado at any moment. Good times! You rule. And all that stuff.

I was going to say it but ecc beat me so I’ll just say i love you *hugz*