Now we’re going nowhere in time

Thank you all for your notes in the previous entry. I read and appreciate all of your words.

The problem, I feel, is that this person I talked about is just so dramatic that he/she is looking for attention when he/she tells me, “I’m just incapable of being a good friend.” That’s not the truth by any means and it never has been. It’s just an excuse. I feel like I’ve always been able to see through that, but there are certain things I can’t bring up because that causes the, “well, then maybe we should just never talk about this,” argument from his/her side. I personally want to be honest with people and get things out in the open, but there are certain things I just can’t say because I know the responses I’ll get. This person would rather flee than fight, avoid than talk, and it gets us nowhere when he/she gets all defensive like that. In fact, it’s the defensive stuff that makes me believe it’s more or less just a pack of excuses than 100% honest truth.

I think some of you may have missed the point when I said I don’t want this person out of my life. There was just a bit of a situation where, the more I thought about it, the more hurt I became. And it was truly over something fairly small. But it was small enough for me to say, “if it was so small, why couldn’t he/she have just done it?” I still feel irritated at this, but will probably never bring it up because I’d rather pick my battles and there are bigger heads to knock than that one.

Basically, in a nutshell, I’m tired of the excuses and I want to be able to speak frankly to this friend without it causing the inevitable issue I’m sure it will, because we’ve been over and over this kind of thing in the past and all I get is, “but you know how I am.” Anyone can change if they really wanted to and cared to. Anyone can put in the effort. Anyone can suck it up and have a difficult discussion that may not be pleasant for anyone. But this person avoids anything difficult that doesn’t work out in his/her favour because it’s easier than hearing the truth.

Again, this person is NOT a bad person or a bad friend in the least. It’s just a long time issue and I’m not the only one in our circle of friends who’s had this problem with this person in the past. Even in the more recent past. So it’s definitely not me. But that just makes it all the more difficult to deal with because, as I said in my last email, I’m not always someone he/she comes to about things because I make him/her be honest with me and I don’t fall for the crap he/she lays out to everyone else. I’m sure he/she doesn’t like it because I don’t let him/her get away with the stuff he/she is used to getting away with. I’m sure that’s not pleasant, but I’ll tell you…it’s not terribly fun from my end either.

So, that’s that. Thank you again, everyone. I appreciate your thoughts and opinions.