Yes I know, we’ve been here before

I love this song. I know it’s old, but it’s been stuck in my head lately. And really, it’s kind of got a little to do with what I want to rant about.

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Disclaimer first: This entry is in NO way triggered by one single individual and it isn’t exclusively directed at people I’ve met on OD, although it’s much easier to hide here. It’s sparked by 12 years of people-watching and observation.

I’ve been a people-watcher and extremely observational when it comes to patterns in people over the last 12 years. Because of that, I’m able to put 2 and 2 together rather quickly, which is both a blessing and a curse. It’s served me well because it means I don’t waste my time and effort on things or people if it’s not warranted. It’s been a bit tragic because it’s meant I’ve had to bide my time waiting on quite a few people who I DO believe warranted my time, both in the ‘real’ world and here on OD.

I’ve been on OD since I was 18. I’ve kept the same diary through all the hacker attacks and all the glitches. The diary name may have changed a couple of times, but on the whole, it’s remained relatively stable unless you count the friends who have come and gone or the ones who have simply just stopped writing for one reason or another.

When I first started here, I didn’t know what to expect. It seemed like such a huge community that it was so easy to get lost in the shuffle of newly updated diaries and small families who didn’t need some new diarist hanging around. But I’ve found that if you put yourself out there, it’s extremely easy to make friends here. There are definitely some rotten apples out there, but those people really are minimal in comparison.

I’ve made some of the best friends I’ve ever had on this site and you all know who you are, whether you still read my diary or not.

But that brings me to the real reason I’m here. While I’ve met some great people in my life, I’ve also met some real enigmas. Some are one in the same. Again…lovely people, but some… I have to say that before OD and outside of OD, I’ve never met SO many people who play so many games and hide themselves away the way some people I’ve met here have done. I’ve always been an extremely honest person, finding no need to lie about who I am. Everything I’ve said in this diary or through conversation has been 100% truth. In this anonymous day in age, it’s easy to fake being someone. And if that’s something you do, fine…you’ve got your reasons. I just personally don’t understand it. No, that’s not true. Every once in a very blue moon, someone will give me a good reason as to why I was lied to. It’s always forgiven, but it always sparks something in me that makes me wonder…why bother? Why hide yourself and pretend to be someone else? Just to be ‘cooler’? This is the online world. Anyone can be cool online.

I guess I’m just frustrated. I’m tired of the mind games, intentional or not. I’m tired of being jerked around. Be honest with me. That’s all I’ve ever asked of anyone. It’s the ONE moral and ethical thing I hold above everything else and it really burns me when people don’t respect me enough to cut the crap. I understand that sometimes one lie starts out small and snowballs, but give me some credit here. If I’ve known you more than a year, I’ve probably already figured it out and I’m just waiting for you to come clean. It won’t change anything besides the tension and getting rid of the obvious elephant in the room that everyone’s been dancing around. I also very much despise it when one person tells me one story and tells another person an entirely different story, knowing that the truth will come out eventually. Either tell me the truth or drop me as a friend, because I’m tired of that whole mess as well.

Everyone has secrets, and I get that. I’m sure there’s things about me that I haven’t told people. Nothing I’m purposely hiding, but because I can’t possibly remember every single thing I’ve ever told everyone. Everyone has their stories, and that’s fine. But all I ask is that you have a little faith and respect in me as a friend. I’ve yet to drop-kick anyone out of my life for being honest with me. I have references. In fact, I respect people more for that, especially if it’s taken a long time and a lot of bravery and courage to do it.

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With that said, I have another mini-rant. (Surprise, surprise. I feel like I really only use OD to write things like this these days, but it’s ok, I think. I’m fine with that.)

Anyway, yes, small rant. Why is it that some people have simply resigned themselves to being completely miserable? I get it. Life isn’t easy. Life isn’t fair. There’s always room for excuses to act a certain way or to avoid doing something. There’s never a ‘right’ time for anything. I get that. I also understand that depression exists. I’m not questioning that. I am, however, questioning the people who only seem “happy” when they’ve got something to whine and complain about. I’ve known several people who just do nothing but moan about how awful everything is, and yet they do nothing to change it.

I’m not always the happiest, most perky person, but I tend to go along at an even keel. I don’t have extremes anymore, but I’m not asking people to be like me. And I’m not asking that everyone is Little Mary Sunshine, either. No need for faking that. (That’s lying/pretending, and remember…I hate that.) My gripe there is that so many people just insist on being so downright miserable because it’s some weird comfort zone and they use that as an excuse for everything. I was a very angry, very sullen, very angst-ridden, very depressed teenager, but I grew out of that at the age of 18. To me, all of that is kid stuff. As adults, we’ve got the power to change things for ourselves. We always did, but as kids and teens, we really didn’t know it and/or didn’t quite have the ability to do it. Now we do. And it just kills me that some people refuse to even try, stating that it’s ‘not going to work’ or ‘not worth it’ and that they’d rather stay that same sullen 15 year old they were over 10..15..20 years ago. I’ve changed a lot over the years, and it’s all due to the people I’ve met, both positive and negative. So it’s entirely possible for anyone to do it if you just change your way of thinking and/or get the help you need without making excuse after excuse as to why you ‘can’t’.

Just…try to be the best you can and trust that the people who love you will love you no matter what.

I’m opening this entry up to anonymous notes in case anyone has something they want to confess, just for giggles. I’m not expecting anything, but you never know.

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