So, cross my heart and I hope to die

I have so many people in my life that come to me for advice about things, which is mostly nice. I mean, I must be doing something right if it’s been so continuous for the last few years. But honestly, I can only give them the advice that works for me, and I’m well aware that how I choose to view things isn’t how everyone else is willing to see them. However, I’m sick to death of getting asked for advice, spending hours and days too numerous to count repeating the things that work for me over and over again, only to be completely blown off. So I think I’ve come to a conclusion. I’m just going to let people crash and burn on their own. Bad decisions they insist on making? I’ll wish them luck and step back, because the flames will be intense. I’ve really just had it with being the protective ‘mama bear’ to certain friends who seem determined to doom themselves with stupidity.

In other, but similar thoughts… have any of you ever had someone in your life that you feel obligated to keep around? There’s one friend in my friend-collection who I just…really don’t like very much. Whenever we talk, it’s all about her and her drama and her problems. And she’s one of those people who only has this drama and all of these problems because she insists on making absolutely stupid,selfish decisions that get her into trouble, so she calls me crying hysterically because ‘something else went wrong’. And then she expects me to be happy for her when something good happens. The problem is, I have such a hard time being happy for her that I can’t even fake it well, simply because the ‘good’ things that happen to her is just how normal people live. These ‘good’ events are only caused by decisions that responsible adults make, which she should have been doing all along. She annoys me more than I care to admit, and I do feel fairly guilty about that because it feels hypocritical. But I feel obligated to keep her around because she’s the one who constantly tells me that I’m the ‘only best friend’ she has and now that she’s chosen me to leave her daughter to in the unlikely event that anything should happen to her, I feel even more obligated. It’s just that the longer I know this person, the easier it is to see why she has such few friends. Ugh…I don’t even feel like writing about this anymore. I’ve just annoyed myself and I’ve lost interest.

A good friend recently pointed out that it sounds like I’ve been ‘down’ lately, and I know that’s how it sounds, but that’s not really how I feel. I have random moments when I feel annoyed or as if I need to recharge a little, or sometimes I’m not even sure what I need, but I promise these moments of complaining aren’t constant by any means. Each and every entry over the last month mark the only times when I get this way. I write about it, I feel better, I move on. So no worries. I’m just venting a little.

Then again, I guess I am a little moody tonight. I don’t have a real reason for it. I’ve been missing a few people tonight, but I’m not necessarily sad. I’m feeling a bit insecure, but I’m not paranoid. I’m feeling a bit unbalanced, but I’m not at all crazy. I just feel like I’m a bit..hmm…too much in my head today, I guess. I’m not going off the deep end here, so don’t worry. It’ll pass. It always does. It’s not a matter of getting out and doing something to ‘get my mind off it’. It just feels like I need to balance myself out somehow. I wish I had the patience for meditation. Actually, I wish I believed in meditation. I’ve never been able to master it and I need to find something along those lines that work for me. I can’t just sit in a quiet place with my eyes closed and my mind blank. I need a better way to fix this, but I’m not sure what it is.

It’s kinda funny, but I was reading all of that ‘Indigo child’ stuff an entry or two back and it said that around age 30, ‘Indigo children’ will (paraphrased) start to feel a shift and start to feel a little out of whack as things change. I started feeling this way right around my 30th birthday, but I didn’t read about that until after. It made sense, though. So I have plenty of high hopes that things will even out eventually. Just have to go with it until then, right?