I hate shopping

 I hate shopping so much.  Especially without headphones to drown out the noise.  But I’m glad I did it tonight, because I found out that I know someone who works at JB Hi-Fi who can give me mad discounts, and I discovered that pterodactyls are not extinct.  In the food court, I distinctly heard a pterodactyl squawking.   It may have looked like a young child, but the sound was unmistakable.  

The sight of an entire floor in Grace Brothers or Myer or whatever the fuck it’s called now filled with obscure single-use appliances was truly terrifying.  I suppose it made sense that there should be a pterosaur flying over head and a volcano quietly erupting in the corner.  Oh no, wait, that’s a popcorn machine.  See, over there next to the hot chocolate dispensers and the Danish profitjole maker.    

The only thing I could do to calm down was to take a bunch of the Italian silk ties from the menswear section, drape them over me, and sit on one of those massage chairs until the security guard came and escorted me out.  Nice fellow.  Said he got a tie for Fathers’ Day.  Has a kid named Phillip.