Needs moar vitamins

My legs are cramping right now and I tried to leave my computer to go to the time machine room  but my ankles won’t bend properly and I don’t want my flatmates to see me walking funny.  

The reason is malnutrition.  A couple of weeks ago I lost my wallet at Manly and because of a lack of ID and bank card, I didn’t have any cash for about 2 weeks.  I spent most of that time getting off the train a couple of stops early to avoid ticket gates, subsisting off food in my cupboard at home (not much, mostly just jars of tomato paste) and scamming food at work.  

On his last day here, James gave me his Cherry Ripe wrapper that had won a free bar from one of those "1 in 5 bars win" promotions.  It was great, because the free bar I got from that also won another free bar, which won another free bar which won another one and another one, and another one.  So last week every day consisted of 1 x Cherry Ripe and about a dozen hot chocolates provided free by work and nothing else.  Thank you, Cadbury.

I’ve also been stealing cheese from people’s fridges.  I don’t each much dairy on principle, let alone cheese, so it’s not pleasant.  The Vietcong can smell me from all the way over in the 1970s.  

I got my replacement bank card a few days ago but I didn’t really get better immediately.  I just bought a lot of Reece’s peanut butter & chocolate products.  Then I did the unthinkable last night, and had a Fillet-o-Fish from McDonalds (epic vegetarian hippy fail). Peer pressure and the first time feeling even slightly drunk in 3 years are to blame.  I think I will probably not have McDonalds or alcohol again for another 3 years.  One tastes like shit and the other is too expensive. I asked the bar for a Baileys on the rocks – I’ve never ordered that at a pub before; only ever drunk it when I’ve had a bottle to myself – and for 7 bucks I got a large pile of ice with a slight saucing of what was allegedly alcohol. So I went right back to beer.

Anyway now I’m experiencing the symptoms of malnutrition and I think it’s funny enough to record for posterity or …. other abstract noun.  Painful cramps in my calf muscles and stiff ankles.  I used to get this as a teenager and the internet says it’s an imbalance in sodium/potassium.  I’ve had two toe nails break in half mysteriously and one of them even bled.  I think that’s magnesium/calcium.   I’ve got the shakes in my hands (potassium) and a weird fluttery feeling my stomach like I’m coming up (but I’m not).   I used to be this unhealthy in high school and uni all the time, and I don’t know how I could stand it.   It was not worth all the beer… I should have spent the money on sushi. 

I think it’s made me shrink too, because my pants are all loose and I have to keep pulling them up. That’s not actually a silver lining at all. We moved offices at work recently so I can’t go to my gym on lunch breaks, so no exercise and very little protein means the shrinkage is more muscle loss than fat.  Plus I’m pretty sure I’m still fat (I don’t have a mirror here), so the pants just fall down to let my gut hang out instead of holding it in.  Whatever, fuck dieting.  I just want mountains of udon noodles and inari and tempura vegetables.  Or maybe some channa dhaal and samosas.   Or maybe both.  Japindian cuisine.  Then I’ll hit the Happy Chef up for a giant bean curd laksa.  Topped with pumpkin gnocchi.   Shit, I’d be happy with Subway right now.

On a side-note, I think my rib cage is ever-so-slightly lopsided which the internet says is caused by zinc deficienices during puberty.  Although I could be imagining that… I need to use a spirit level on my ribs maybe to find out.

Hmmm so… not actually worth all that detail and explaining now that I finish with talking about this but I guess vitamin deficiencies have neurological effects too. Like anxiety; I’ve definitely been a bit crazy anxious this weekend.  Tomorrow’s menu will be 90% vegetable matter, I swear.  I have home-made soup to take to work that is pretty much just pureed vegetables.  I have a trillion bajillion eggs in my fridge.  I will be doubling up on my magnesium supplement and eating buckets full of molasses.  And I will stop listing shit that is boring even to myself.  Tomorrow.  You wait ’til tomorrow.  You’re gonna wait to… fat boy… fat boy… wait until tomorroooooooow.  See I’m singing now.  Let this be a community service announcement to you all.

Daniel Johns is another example of why if you don’t eat your meat, you can’t have any pudding.  I’m going to keep looking at his pictures until it scares me into eating properly again.