Crossing The Streams

 I am handing in my notice on Friday and becoming a professional ghost hunter.  No shit, I’m not just trying to be cute.  This is my plan.  

My job can be summed up as "useless".   I am useless.  They are useless.  My email is useless – the server admin accidentally my account from the server.  It’s been 5 business days and 4 upper-management approval emails and I still don’t have it working.  My salary is useless.   38.5K.      I KNOW!    I saw a whirlpool forum thread the other day where people were remarking that 70K is low by industry standards and I got so angry I broke a window with my mind.  Every second I sit at this desk drips down into a sea of existential ennui that is my life.   Must…. get… out….

My co-worker, James, and I have joked about quitting to become paranormal investigators for a while.  Of course, we can’t just quit and do it straight away.  We need to build up capital and do research.  The plan is to get other jobs first to pay the bills.  Then save.  Do some research.  Get educated/qualifications.  Buy equipment.   Start doing free-lance stuff on the side.  Build up a name.  Get featured on Today Tonight.  Corporate sponsorship.   ?????    Profit.  Eventually we will work completely for ourselves, hunting ghosts and will known as the regional paranormal investigators of choice in the Asia Pacific.  (haha, I stole that from my employer’s mission statement)

 I will be the skeptic, there to re-assure people with my rational debunking of things they previously feared were more sinister, and possibly identify faulty electrical wiring that could have led to a house fire.   James will be the true believer, the one with the "open mind", who is ready to listen seriously to any concerns they have regarding potentially paranormal activity in the home.  We will offer seniors discounts because let’s face it, most of our customers will be old crazy people.

Yes, I know, it’s not original.  Neither is opening a bakery or becoming a plumber.  In the US, I imagine there are heaps of people doing this since Ghost Hunters came out.  But as far as I know in Australia, this is unexplored territory (any notes informing me that I’m wrong will be instantly deleted). 

When we finish up here, we are going to travel to Tasmania for a weekend to go to all of Port Arthur’s haunted sites to start to build experience and get a better understanding of what we’ll need on the job.

Things we need:

• An EMF reader
• Proton packs ??
• Camera and audio equipment
• Contacts (people like psychics, an old priest and a new priest… we need to network)
• Maybe TAFE qualifications in private investigation techniques, electrical wiring and handling various cultural attitudes towards death
• Subscription to a few magazines about the paranormal and membership in relevant online forums
• Jumpsuits
• Company name and ABN
• Re-runs of Ghost Hunters and Most Haunted
• A secretary with a monotonous voice and a token black guy
• Bill Murray… but everyone needs that.
• Legal advice
• Insurance of some kind
• Experience
• A can-do attitude.

I have 1337 hax04 skills and I have logged all of your IP’s, even those of you behind 7 proxies, and I have already traced you back to your location, so if you steal my idea I will make sure you will not be entitled to a free mug.  

Since deciding that I am going to quit my job, I’m suddenly in a much more cheerful mood.  It’s kind of like how the day before someone commits suicide, they seem all calm and happy about stuff.  Well, I’m about to commit professional suicide, and so I’m not so worried about things anymore.  It’s so liberating.

Most of all, I am looking forward to being proof to you all that you can achieve your dreams.