I Will Always Love and Remember You, Grandpa

For the past  couple days I’ve logged on here…started to write an entry and just got so messed up and confused…everything I wrote made no sense at all.  I know now it’s not going to be any better, but I need to get some things off my chest. 
All started Thursday, August 10th, 2006.(My little brothers 2nd birthday)  I’d been avoiding phone calls all morning, most of them from Jerry’s son.  I got up to take a shower and when I got out I had more missed calls….most of them from Chris….one from my mom and had one voice mail.  It was my dad, which kind of confused me at first because I didn’t show a missed call from him and the minute the message started I knew something was up because he said "Hey it’s 9:50 on Tuesday…" right there I knew he wasn’t thinking straight because it was Thursday…anyways he went onto say that "they are taking grandap to the hospital he’s having some serious heart trouble" From that point on the rest of the day is just a blur.  I knew deep down that it wasn’t going to get any better…sometimes…ya just know.  Before the message was even over my mom was beeping in and she was upset.  Asked if I had talked to my dad and I told her yeah what’s going on, what can I do, where do I go.  I just kinda paced around the house for what seemed like forever trying to just let it sink in and get myself calm enough to think straight.  I called my mom back to see what her plan was (my mom and dad are divorced but still friends and of course she’s still keeps in touch with the family) anyways, I called her once and the phone picked up, I could hear her just bawling..and it hung up…I called it back and first thing I asked was "Have you heard….." I didn’t even get the anything out and she just screams…"he didn’t make it!" First words out of my mouth were "You’re kidding right?"  I knew damn well she wasn’t kidding….why would anyone joke about that…
This past few days has been hell.  I have NEVER lost anyone this close to me…I’ve been to funerals but a lot of the times it was people my ex husband knew…this is a first time experience for me.  I’m not sure how to deal with it…I’m not even sure how to accept it. 
Right now I’m getting ready to go meet my dad and my sister so we can go to the funeral home and see him.  It’ll be the first time for all of us…and…it’s gonna suck to be quite honest.  I know then that the reality of it will set in and I will have to accept the fact that he is gone.  He is in a better place and though he had a massive heart attack my grandma assured us all that he did not suffer one bit.  It happened so quick that he didn’t even know what hit him.  For me…and it’s selfish, but it happened to quick for me….it was such a shock..this man was healthy, never had any major problems….
Blah…I got to get going….I’ll be back later to spill my guts some more.  I would apprecieate notes from anyone who has been through this….any words of advice..anything…I just don’t want to hurt anymore….