Single Again

As of 1:46 pm CDT on the 19th of August 2011 the judgment of divorce was granted by the judge in Fairfield CA./ Solano County. Thus concluded a process that I had decided on early in the summer of 2008 and actually started the process of in July of 2010.
Most of you who read me on a regular basis know that early in the summer of 2008 I determined that I would seek a divorce from *K* though I would, due to finances have to wait until the spring of 2009 to actually move out and then file for divorce. This had been a long time coming and I had had enough. Truthfully it was long, long overdue but I had always hoped things would get better.
You also know that Sprite appeared back into my life in August of 2008.
Sprite coming back into my life at this time seemed to be a miracle and we were delighted to discover early on that we were still friends, that we still shared the same sense of humor, had the same beliefs and outlook on life. We could and did, talk about anything and tell each other anything just as only real friends could. Of course it didn’t take long to discover much more still existed between us.
As I had planned I moved out from the house on April 18, 2009 into an apartment. Sprite went with me to furnish it as by this time she had moved back to CA.
I also during this time was looking for an attorney and trying to figure out how to pay for said attorney.
In June of 2009 we discovered that Sprite’s cancer had returned and I put the divorce thing on the back burner as I spent every free moment I could besides work, with her.
In my heart I could never believe that she would not win this battle and I would be there through the whole thing even though she told me I could leave, that I had not bargained for this. Like my love for her would let me just walk away!?
As I said, I never entertained the idea that she would lose this battle and in my mind once she was in remission I would be able to pursue my divorce.
That wasn’t how it was meant to be I guess.
After Sprite passed, I went and filed for the divorce and served *K* with the papers. During this time I had also gone back to my Church as I was so hurting and confused and I knew God was allowing the things that were happening in my life for a reason.
In talking to my Pastor I told him everything that had transpired the previous year. How Sprite and I allowed our feelings to cause us to do something we were not free to do as Christians. How *K* and I had gotten to the point in ’08 where I felt divorce was the only option, etc.
I have to say that Pastor *J* was great. After I told him about Sprite (and he knew some of it from talking to *K* earlier) the first thing he asked me was "Did you love her?"
As I teared up and replied yes, he said "I am so sorry."  No condemnation, no lecture, just love for someone who was hurting.
In talking to him and talking with *K*, *k* and I decided to try to reconcile. I went into this with doubts, but I went into it committed to try my best to do what was right.
As it turned out I spent 7 months opening myself up with 8K8 like I had with no one else save Sprite. I spent 7 months doing everything I could to repair the damage I caused, leaving myself open to be hurt and that is exactly what happened.
I finally was confronted by the truth that *K8 had been playing me the whole time while seeing someone else. I gave her multiple chances and it was clear on February 26, 2011 that divorce was the only option.
I went back to the court and found that I could pick up where I left off and that is what I did.

Yesterday I called into the court and was on the phone for almost 4 hours.
But here is how it turned out:
*K* has supervised visitation with our daughter. IF *E* wants to, she will go to CA. and stay with her Aunt *T* (*K’S* sister) *K* can see *E* there but cannot take her anywhere unless *T* is with them. If *T* suspects or it is apparent that *K* is under the influence she can request *K*to leave and per the court orders, she must leave.
These visits are to be during holidays (Christmas, summer, etc. and the expense to get her there and back is to be shared equally.

There is no Child Support. Since I am now the Representative Payee for the SSDI that *E8 receives through *K*, no support is required (or frankly wanted by me)
I do not at this time have to pay spousal support since I am unemployed but of course *K* reserved the right to have the court revisit that as soon as I find a job. Frankly again, I don’t care, I am free!
There are some debts that have to be taken care of by us both but I managed to have some of the larger ones be *K’s responsibility alone.

During this whole call I was thinking that we would have to make more appearances and I was wondering how long this must go on. But within a very short time the judge said, "Let me put on my robe so I can be legal and let’s get you both sworn in." She then basically asked us if we agreed on all we had talked about, (we did) and then asked if we wanted to be single (we did) then she declared us divorced!

I still have to deal with *k* until the house is sold and until we get our joint debts paid off but other than that I am free of her and I can really start my new life.

After the call I picked up my cell phone and saw the picture of Sprite I have as my wallpaper. A wave of sadness went through me as I thought that here I am free to be with the one woman I have ever really, truly loved and it will not be in this life.
I should be much happier than I feel but the one person I want to celebrate with is not here.
Rest easy Sprite I will be home someday soon.

The judge ordered *K* to cooperate and put the house up for sale.