Evacuations and home invasions.

One of my good friends had his home invaded by three men with guns just recently. Found out about this last night.

One minute you are sitting on your couch with your girlfriend, the next minute you are staring down the barrel of a sawed off shotgun.

They wore masks, none of the neighbors heard anything.

Made off with some stuff…prob could have made off with more.

Hey, at least my friends are alive.

 

There is this place in Utah called Heremin…I didn’t know what a Heremin was until it apparently started burning down.

I’m not sure on the exact number, but something like 1,300 homes have been evacuated. That’s a lot of displacement.

I guess it was started by the national gaurd. Something about a machine gun range…

Way to do the opposite of your jobs you dipshits.

I mean, I guess it doesn’t piss me off as much as if I went to an awesome indian restaurant and despite what I ordered I got a McDouble or something…that’s the kind of doing the opposite in your job that really gets me.

But I guess I don’t live in Heremin.

…now I’m hungry.

Not for Indian though. I actually want to go eat some hotwings.

But I’m not going to…I’m going to microwave some leftover Buca di pebo…or however you spell that shit.

I’m also not Italian.

But it’s kind of nuts to think how many people are forced out of their homes over this thing.

Seriously, now what are they going to do if all their houses burn down?

It’s windy as shit lately too so this fire is just having a great fucking time running around and burning all this shit up.

Windy as shit huh?

…

shart. maybe?

I dunno.

I’m never going to use that expression again. It was worth trying out, but ultimately not for me.

I guess the expression "Windy as – -" anything is kind of dumb.

"It’s windy as a really windy day" is probably the only acceptable way to liken a windy day to anything.

Which is kind of just a waste of your listeners time I guess…

Wind tunnel?

I dunno.

Maybe you could reference a movie that has a really good wind scene.

 

Speaking of movies, Echo has been really good lately. I’m actually really proud of her, it’s pretty awesome. She is listening a lot better and definitely throwing less tantrums.

So…

On saturday we took her to Liberty park to go eat some sammiches and run around with other screaming high pitched voiced little people, and yesterday we took her to a movie.

The Sorcerers apprentice.

One of my favorite things about Salt Lake City is the dollar theater. It’s fucking rad! 

They take movies and after everyone else has used them up, they run them for a while in this little pre-stadium seating theater that has less than great sound and a less than great screen, but the movies cost a fucking dollar so…I mean…it costs a dollar.

The Sorcerers Apprentice was actually kind of awesome.

Nicholas Cage…or Tom Hanks, I don’t know the difference anymore, was really awesome.

I have a collection of Nicholas Cage, or like I said possibly Tom Cruize…I can’t tell the difference anymore, movies because Nicholas Cage or Penelope Cruize is just full of all of this glorious camp that just makes me fucking happy.

Except for Bringing Out The Dead…that one is just really creepy.

He’s a creepy looking guy anyway.

Face off?

Fuck yeah face off.

That movie is amazing. Except I hate John Travolta…or Samuel L. Jackson.

All of these movie stars are kind of just interchangable and look the same to me.

My two favorite Travolta movies are THE PUNISHER with tom jane…I know who that guy is for sure, and then I also loved Travolta in Snakes on a plane.

Priceless.

The Punisher is a pretty awesome movie that is second only to the Punisher video game which is one of the coolest fucking games ever.

The one for PS2 that is.

The game is the reason I even bought the movie because I didn’t think that they could make such a cool game out of a dumb movie, and I was right.

If you like violence and feeling like a badass, you should play that game.

I mean, you can throw your gun into the arms of your enemy and then stab him in the top of the head.

Fuck yeah?

Fuck yeah!

I’m bored and my lungs feel like they are medium well.

I think this morning is the push I’m gonna need to really just stop smoking.

It’s a really pointless habit…well, except that it makes me look really sexy and cool when I smoke.

At least until it starts making me look really old and dying.

But even then kids will see me and be like, "That old guy has lung cancer…wadda badass." And then I can say something like, "Kiss my ass you young douche bag!" And the kid will be 25 and I will be 26 so the age gap is pretty small you know?

Oh yeah, I’m going to have lung cancer next year.

I am basing this off of absolutely no proof. But…it’s gotta be forming already.

I got thirteen years experience with sucking on fags.

That doesn’t even sound legal based on 13 years being a little more than half my life, but I grew up in Taiwan where the fags flow like wine and the men pay top dollar for a fresh piece of ass like I used to have.

"I was playing ping-pong in ding dang"

hahaha….beerfest is great. I should watch that movie more.

I used to watch it like two times a day and just get drunk by "myself" in the afternoon.

I put "myself" in quotes because that’s what everyone called it…I tried to explain to them that I was getting drunk with my friends, to which the reply was always, "You don’t know a single cast member of that stupid movie you fucking idiot! You are alone! You are drinking alone and you will die alone!"

i showed them though, I hired a movie about hookers from block buster to come and keep me some company.

By the way…don’t take a movie about hookers out to a fine dining restaurant and expect people to be nice to you when you order for it. If I want to go out with Pretty Woman….IT’S 2010! I mean, shit. Are we still so closed minded as to what a "relationship" can be?

I am using a lot of quotes right now.

Stupid.

Also, when you don’t give blockbuster their copy of Pretty Woman back they act surprisingly similar to pimps.

I don’t think all of that violence was necessary.

It’s cool though, I rented it again from Netflix and then changed my E-mail address.

I’m never giving that shit back.

 

One time I rented Observe and Report with Joe Rogan the fear factor guy. I rented it from RedBox…I never gave that back.

I like that movie.

I fucking like that movie a fucking lot.

There are asian twins and a mexican guy and some dude that looks East Indian or something.

I like watching movies with multi-cultural characters because it makes me feel more open to the idea of people

who aren’t white.

I’m still all about white power and stuff, but I’m just doing baby steps you know?

Oh yeah, and Observe and report also stars Seth Rogan I think he is awesome. He’s the host of fear factor.

 

Fuck…I’m trying to work up the guts to eat that spaghetti…mostly because spaghetti kind of looks like guts.

Do you remember that Nickelodeon show guts? It had some british girl with a dudes name. Now, if she wasn’t british I would think that was kind of weird, but seeing as how she was I felt like it had really opened up my mind and really appreciate people from England even though none of them are white.

 

Also, wouldn’t it be weird if some of the girls who grew up to let down their fathers on "Girls Gone Wild" had been on a few episodes of "Wild and Crazy Kids"?

More quotes huh?

But I mean…you couldn’t even get mad at that.

It’s like if Al Bundy would have starred on a show called "Married with Children" before he killed and sexed up all those woman/corpses.

I mean, if he would have been on a show called that and had his hands down his pants a lot people would have seen it coming I think.

Jack the ripper = Kelly rippa anyone?

I know a lot about famous people because famous people are my favorite.

I like the ones that are famous for being rich and snotty. It’s like…WHOA! GOOD CALL PARIS! I love the way you have money!

She is so ugly.

Like, really ugly.

Like…I don’t think I could get drunk enough to think that would be a good idea.

Plus, the french accent sucks.

Paris Hilton on the other hand is fucking hot.

MMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmm

WOO!

This is the worst entry ever.

If you really read this far then you are probably as fucking bored as I am.

I wish I had to take a shit right now so I could catch up on my reading.

Whatever.

You know what I still think is funny?

Pizza the hut…he ends up eating himself hahahahahahahahaha.

God, space balls is great.

Why am I talking about movies so much?

I better do something awesome soon, like play Grand Theft Auto San Andreas.

That game is the fucking tits!

I totally beat it without cheats.

Actually…except for GTA 1 and 2 and London 1969, I have beat all of them without cheats.

Wait, except for 4. I dunno, everything on ps2.

Even like liberty city stories and shit.

I’m fucking awesome.

or a loser.

or an awesome loser.

I have a really big dick though and if I keep my mouth shut my good looks make me appear to be vapid yet irresistable.

At least I have that going for me.

I’m dumb and magnetic.

I’m stupid and compelling.

I am a black homosexual jew who is also a terrorist against the tyranny of Ice Land and Bjork.

I will put an end to her.

…no, seriously.

I actually really fucking hate Bjork and her "music" if you can call it that. It sounds like a cat getting cang raped by a flock of seagulls.

That band really liked raping cats.

Fucking losers.