America’s new weather-weapon technology.

So…

Bill Clinton sold weapons technology to China a while back…

They made this super, 4x the speed of sound missle to sink our air craft carriers if we don’t stay out of their bussiness, stemming from that technology.

Now, people don’t like Bill for that. However, he was still a great president because he rocked the sax, the economy was great, and he got a lot of play from the ladies…even if the most famous one was kind of chunky, I still gotta believe there were a lot more of them before that insecure bitch spilled the beans, who were pretty smokin hot…hahaha, smokin. Cigars. Get it? I didn’t even mean that one.

Oh yeah, and he didn’t sell them the weather-weapon technology that no one knew about until China double crossed us.

So…China makes weapon.

We activate top secret weather controlling machine and create a land slide that kills thousands.

TAKE THAT CHINA!

And why stop there?

We have been on pretty neutral terms with Russia for a while…until they started sending spies to our country.

After we found out about that it was like…HOW ABOUT A HEAT WAVE!

BOOM!

Broken heat records…FIVE TIMES! In two weeks.

Droubt and death.

TAKE IT RUSSIA!

 

Pakistan are not any sort of real threat, but you know what?

LET’S PUT A JIHAD ON THEIR ASS!

RAIN RAIN RAIN BITCHES!

TAKE IT!

 

BP is just lucky they stopped that oil spill in time, because we are friends with the UK and all…but come to think of it, there was that night at that party where they kept hitting on America’s girlfriend at the time, and they were full aware that we were together. We forgave the UK because they had a few drinks, and luckily our girlfriend kept shooting him down.

I mean, the UK bought us a nice steak dinner afterwards…it was all cool.

But the trust was a little damaged from then on.

Plus, I think they have been kinda oggling America’s new girl.

 

We thought about really fucking up Mexico because they’re stealing our jobs, and their citizens are responsible for approximately 100% of all organized and unorganized crime in this country, but we didn’t use the weather machine because:

A – They have great taco’s and resorts.

B – The oil spill was pretty heinous.

C – Instead we are just going to humiliate them with immigration reform.

 

 

However, North Korea is cruisin’ for a bruisin’. Some earthquakes might set them straight.

And Castro just turned eighty something or other.

Let’s just invade, grab all the cigars and coffee we can, and then sink those bitches.

 

Personally, it seems as though the world is in turmoil.

The only solution is to destroy everyone who is not america.

And Canada…

Kids in the Hall was fucking hilarious.

That gives them all time immunity.

Except for those french canadians.

They gave my friend the clap.