How many times do you want to die?

 …how many ways do you want to die?

 

 

 

 

…

 

 

So I was just minding my own business. Driving. Taking in the scenery. Listening to some music. 

And then it hit me.

Really fucking hard.

Straight through my skin, through the ribcage. 

It went straight inside of me.

And I sat there, shocked and horrified as my chest began to dribble and then leak blood onto my lap.

And I have been putting pressure on it all day.

and the bleeding has slowed down a little bit…

But it keeps coming.

It’s more than I thought I would bleed over this.

There’s a lot.

I keep thinking I’m done, and it keeps coming.

and it makes me feel weak.

I can’t go to the hospital for this.

I can’t get stitches.

Take pain killers.

Heal it all up in a few weeks.

 

I just need to keep putting pressure on it.

no matter how much it hurts to do so.

 

 

My white shirt turned red, and then black.

My hands were slick, now sticky.

 

And I’m not shocked anymore.

Just horrified.

 

I think I might be horrified for a while.

 

I just wasn’t expecting this today.

 

Not at all.

 

I hope this is the last time.