Life is so funny.

 Not really "funny haha" 

I mean…sometimes it’s like that.

 

But right now it’s just strange. 

I wonder how I am going to look back on the last six months. I wonder if it’s something I will be able to laugh about in the future. 

I am wondering the same thing about the last three years…

 

All I know for sure is that I am rebuilding a lot of the bridges I have burned down.  Some of them I can’t really just walk across whenever I want to yet, but at least I can get to the other side if I absolutely have to.

 

Other bridges…well, they are too far gone. I will never see them again. They are gone forever. 

 

I have always prided myself on my ability to be able to watch people come and go in and out of my life without really caring. I accepted at a very early age that people don’t stick around just because you want them to. 

 

But…

 

I don’t know if it’s because I am getting older, or if maybe I thought that for a while there I had actually found something consistent. Something I could rely on…

 

But I really lost everything.

And now it freaks me out.

 

I am building a new life (again) and there is this thought in the very back of my mind that keeps telling me I shouldn’t bother because I am just going to lose it all anyway.

 

I’m not going to let that stop me…

 

But I don’t want to start from scratch again. I am sick of putting all of this effort into foundations and structures if I’m just going to let it all fall apart…or even worse, tear it down myself. 

 

 

I dunno.

 

Every day I feel a little better these days.

 

Every day I feel like I am moving in the right direction at least.

 

Every day I feel like people are starting to trust me a little more…

 

I was a pretty bad person.

I was a very bad person.

I am a fucking addict and I let it take control.

 

I’m over that.