updates

 So, I’m not dead. 

I guess I felt like I should get on here and let everyone know I am alive still.

 

I haven’t really been around computers much lately.

 

I quit my job. It was a horrible, disgusting, piece of shit job that  was depleting the small amount of moral decency that I have. 

I didn’t bother to put together a back up plan either, just quit. 

So now my dumb ass doesn’t have a place to live or a source of income. 

It’s okay though because I am still really good looking, and I can be charming if I need to be. So I get by. 

 

 

Let’s see… 

Progress on the Dane and the Death Machine album is coming along very, very, very, very, very slowly…but slow is better than not at all I guess.

 

Alec is out of town visiting friends in Oregon, so I am kind of bummed about that. He just left this morning and I already miss him a lot. 

 

I am playing a show tonight…I guess that’s cool?

 

Let’s see, what else?

 

I don’t drink liquor anymore.

I start the Art Institute in October. 

 

Ummmm….

 

Almost died in a car crash yesterday ( I was not the driver, and no alcohol was involved. )

The new Tall as Lions album is really good.

 

I liked the movie "Paper Heart" a lot.

 

ummm…

 

It’s my sisters birthday on the 4th of September so I am going to go out to California for a few days.

Oh yeah, I’m not moving to California anymore either…stuck in Utah for a few more years. I guess it’s not so bad, I am not going to have a lot of time to hate it, just going to school full time. Plus, when it’s over I will have a degree in multi-media design which is a pretty kick ass degree to have.

 

Oh, and my sister is coming back with me after her birthday, so it’s going to be pretty awesome to have her around for a change. Lord only knows why she wants to move to Utah, but I can’t say I’m too sad about her decision. 

 

I almost really did kill myself with alcohol. It was pretty bad.

but I didn’t…

…which you already know because I said that already plus I am typing this right now.

 

Let’s see…what else?

 

Oh, I have been hiking a lot the last few weeks. Like, I mean A LOT.  There have just been a bunch of days and nights where there is not a whole lot to do so we just go up the canyon where all the fancy ski resorts are, and start exploring trails. We hiked up a waterfall the other day, that was pretty rad.  We also went for a little hike a few nights ago when there was this meteor shower. It was pretty sweet. 

 

Ummmm. 

 

I think that’s it. 

 

I mean, I’m pretty sure that is all I have been up to for the last few weeks. Just hiking, and trying to figure out what the next step in my life is. 

 

I get really sad a lot. 

I don’t talk about it though really. I’m done talking about it all. I mean, I’m getting better at not being sad all the time. But I have been getting really sad a lot. Mostly at night is when it starts to really wear down on me. Since I stopped drinking liquor I don’t really sleep very well anymore. So I find myself awake and alone in the middle of the night every night and it gives me too many opportunities to reflect on the ways I have done this all to myself.

It gets pretty hard sometimes.

 

But I have done some major revising to the group of people I choose to spend my time with, and I am now surrounded with a group of really kind hearted loving people who are being more supportive of me and the decisions I have been making to better myself then I am really used to.  Almost every day I get a random "I’m proud of you" from at least one of them.  It’s helping me to remember that everything happens for a reason and anything that doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger. 

 

God, if everything that doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger I should be one of the strongest men alive at this point. 

 

Yeah…

 

Sorry if a bunch of you were worried. I can understand why. I was even worried there for a while. I dunno. I guess killing yourself with alcohol is a very romantic idea until you start to notice that you are actually dying. 

 

I don’t really want to get into details or anything, but it wasn’t quick enough, and it was more painful than I could have ever imagined.

 

the end.