Fourth of July WEAKend

So basically on Friday night I went over to Alec’s house…it was pretty fucking horrible. Basically just a bunch of people that don’t like me, and to top it all off Alec was being a dick as well. It made me start thinking why I was even invited over. Maybe they all needed a whipping boy for the night?

Either way, I ended up leaving without saying goodbye to anyone. Fuck them all anyway, I know I am an asshole and I know I just dissapeared from their little "group" of friends, but I had to do it for myself and if they can’t understand that then they are not as great of friends as they claim to be…just a bunch of gossiping self loathing drunks.

I know I am a self loathing drunk too…but I want to start changing that. Which means I need to start being around people who are actively making a change to do and think positive things. And I say "actively making a change" because anyone who is already and has been for a long time, making these positive choices, would not want to hang around me.

I dunno…maybe I can hire a big brother or something? hahaha. That would be so rad. I think I would hire Shaq, because then it would be kind of like that movie, Kazaam or whatever…except Shaq is probably not really a geni…but I’ll bet he has an arcade of Shaq-fu and we could play that all day and drink Gatorade…because I bet Shaq drinks a shit load of that stuff. I would also just sit there and watch him slam dunk until he breaks the backboard…and then we would go to McDonalds, because I’ll bet he likes Big Mac’s more than whoppers…and then he could tuck me in at night and kiss my forehead before I go to sleep and he would say something like, "sleep tight little man."

Anyway…so I woke up pretty pissed off on saturday, and I had two texts, one from my mom and one from my step dad, both of them telling me that the entire family is going out of town for the 4th, just up to Park City…and they asked me if they could pay me $50 to house sit and watch the dogs. Ha…it’s times like that when I am reminded of what a valued member of the family I am. And the best part is when I called them back to see where they were going, they were already on the road. YEAH! Whatever, I like $50 more than I like my family anyway so I guess everything worked out.

I basically drank more that night then I have in a long long LONG time though…sunday was pretty fucking horrible. Some people get hangovers, I get alcohol poisoning.

So needless to say I didn’t drink anything on Sunday.

I wanted to kind of, I knew that it would make me FEEL better, but it wouldn’t have actually made anything better.

I need to cut my drinking down by about 90%…

But anyway…so last night I watched this Bollywood movie called "Outsourced". It was pretty awesome. All of the characters were likeable and the story was super fun and blah blah blah…yeah, super awesome happy fun time movie.

And then I had all of these really REALLY weird dreams. I have been having weird dreams a lot lately though, they are very normal dreams, the places I am dreaming I am at really look like the places I think I am, and for the most part they are filled with people I actually interact with in real life…yet something will be off…like I can fly or something. But for the most part I am doing things that I would normally do in places I would normally be, with people I would normally be doing things with…it’s just really weird to me. I guess the level of normalcy is what weirds me out so bad, because it’s not totally obvious I am dreaming, and I tend to wake up a lot inbetween and I will be stuck in that half dream state…

Yeah…I am going to try to not drink again today. It’s going to seem like a small battle to the outside world, but to me it will be a civil war.

I guess we will see how that goes.