random revelations

You know, it occurs to me, as I sit here alone for the fourth night in one week, that I am waiting for godot.  As I look forlornly at this blnking cursor, listening again to this song that bleeds of everything i dont have.  I think this dream that I had was just that, a fleeting image that couldnt be.  Maybe I just wanted her to be someone she isnt, maybe she changed.  Maybe I did.  Maybe she just doesnt love me anymore.  Maybe im just too wrong to understand that this is love.  Maybe it is.  Maybe its all ill have.  I ponder this thought, that these things i have waited for are some distant and unattainable illusion.  It may be that this feeling i have sought, this comfort I long for, is something no one is able to give.

I just want someone to hold me.  I just want someone to look at me when I come home and care about how my day was.  Sometimes, all i want is for someone to care, to take care of me.  I want to be cherished, and wanted.  I want someone who hears a sweet song, and thinks of me.  I want someone who takes the time and effort to occasionally try to make my life easier.  Im so tired of being ignored, belittled, disrespected, and unappreciated.  I just feel like all the ten thousand things I do every day to make her life better dont matter at all.  But then again, how can someone appreciate something they know will always grovel for them?  How can they love someone who they know they can do anything to and will then be the one recieving apologies for some imagined wrong?  How?  Maybe Im just too needy.  Maybe im just too me.

Maybe I need to stop listening to country songs.