For My Little Working Man

My son got his first grown-up job today. I’m very, very proud of him. I’m also very scared for him. I’m sure that doesn’t make much sense. I’m not sure if I can even begin to explain in the short amount of time that I have.

My son is a very young 18 year old. His father is over-bearing. My son is never allowed to make decisions on his own. Even when there is something that he wants that he knows his Dad will oppose, my son will come to me to fight the issue with his Dad. So, even decisions that my son has made have been laid in the path that his mother has opened up for him. I recognize the damaging traits that this parenting has done so please spare me the lectures about him needing to make his own decisions.

I recognize that our parenting stunted his growth. I understand that when left to accomplish things on his own, my son can get easily distracted & lost. My son’s decision making & problem solving hasn’t fully developed. I know that he’ll learn. I know that he needs to make mistakes to learn. I’m just scared to let him make those mistakes. How will I know which mistakes are the necessary growth mistakes or the life altered you fucked yourself ones? This job is a great thing but I’m afraid that my son will get this $9/hour, full-time position money in his pocket & not pursue any further in his education.

Anyway, I know my son, very well. Do I know the deep workings of his inner mind & demons? Of course not! I’m his Mom. I can give you a nearly perfect idea of what he will do in any given situation though. It’s not really that impressive of a talent because I merely have to ask myself what I would do in the situation presented. We are very alike, my son & I. I have jokingly said many times that the reason that my son & his father don’t get along at all is because my son is too much like me. Would I have continued my education if I had no dependents & a good job right out of high school? I honestly don’t think so. That scares me.

I want my son to at least try to get a little bit further. He chose the path that he’s currently taking. I’m very, very proud of that. He had a goal. He took the right classes in school and it paid off. This $9/hr job blows my first job out of the water that’s for sure. I just don’t want him to be satisfied. I want him to want more. How much do I push? Do I even still push at all? Is this his grown-up life now? How do I just stop?

Parenting is hard.