For Respect
He couldn’t even pretend to play nice for one week! I made it clear that I would leave if he refused to change, so yes I have finally left him. It’s all so incredibly sad, nineteen years is so very long.
When I say I’m done, I mean it. It’s not an empty threat. It’s not a tactic used to manipulate, done really means done. I won’t pretend that I’m not hurting because I am. I’m mourning for a life that I thought I was condemned to live forever. I mourn for the loss of 19 years together. I feel sorrow at knowing that he will have to grow up now and I’m worried that he really doesn’t know how.
That isn’t my problem anymore. I’ve gotta face the struggle of figuring out who the hell I am now. I’ve always just been his wife or I’ve been the mother, it’s gonna all change now. I’m terribly frightened that his last words will haunt me forever. Have I really just lost my mind? Am I really just a crazy bitch? I guess only time will tell. I don’t feel crazy. Actually, I feel more centered than I’ve felt in a long time.
Sure, I do feel a bit like a deer on newborn legs. I’m trying to stand up in this scary, new world. I’m timid and unsure but I hope that with each passing hour I will gain an ounce more confidence. I dream of the day that I can walk, run, and frolic in this new world but for now I’m just trying to stand up.
Yelling, screaming, crying, packing and calling the cops is terribly draining so that’s all I will write for now. Until next time, be well.
Wow! I am SO glad to hear you stood by your words and went through with it. I think you will really enjoy this new life and it will be hard but you can find a new identity now, and you still get to be a Mom! Day by day, just take baby steps……
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*big hugs*
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Found you on random. Read back a few and I had to comment. I admire you for standing up for yourself and doing what you had to do. Just stay strong girl you can do this. You deserve better and it will get better. You will find your wings and fly. I wish you the best. Take care (hugs)
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You are not crazy for standing up for yourself or demanding more from a man who is supposed to love you. Anyway his insults are nothing new and they’ve never been true before, so don’t even think twice on them. Look forward now. And give yourself some credit and be confident. Clearly you are much stronger than you’ve realized or let show. I don’t think you’ll have any problem with what’s ahead.
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I’m sorry my poem made you cry. But sometimes it’s good to cry. FOr me it kind of cleanses the soul or something. I hope this was the case for you. I want to see you smile 🙂 You are a wonderful person..dont ever forget it
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I know it’s my turn to email you, but if you needed a side person to vent to, feel free to sent an email my way. I’ve been terrible getting back to you. But that’s my lack of feeling able to write. I can always read. Always.
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Wow. That is amazing! Congratulations. It is scary, but I know you can do it. You will be okay – and even better than just okay in time. 🙂 I am so glad you are finding your strength.
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