Thursday

 I just really don’t want to be here anymore. 

I pepped myself up on the drive home, thinking that tomorrow is the last day of May.  That we are getting out of here.  That I have been able to avoid coming face to face with my idiot neighbours, and perhaps I can keep that up, if I am lucky. 

Then I get home and M relates a few things to me that happened through the day and I just want to cry and vomit and scream all at once.  I wish he didn’t tell me what goes on here while I’m at work, but it’s not fair for him to deal with it on his own.  Plus, I’m sure I would be cranky if he didn’t tell me. 

We will be moving to mother’s house the weekend of 6 and 7 July. I know. SO FAR AWAY. 

I want to go NOW.  But it’s slightly complicated.  I’ll set it out in points so it’s easier to try and understand.

My brother is in the actual bedroom at mother’s.  

The extension is filling in the area outside his room, which is under the upstairs balcony.  

My brother is going to move into the extension when it is completed in a few weeks.  The access to the extension will be THROUGH the existing bedroom, or by opening an entire side of the extension, like a garage door.  This will not work as far as any sort of privacy, because we all run on totally different schedules. 

My brother stinks, and smokes copious amounts of weed.  We need to AIR OUT the bedroom, clean it thoroughly to ensure that we don’t end up with weed residue on our clothes or suitcases.  It may sound paranoid, but the last thing we need is to get held up at the airport show up on Border Patrol because of my idiot brother.  I am not missing connecting flights because of his stupidity. 

My brother is going to Europe for a month from the 3rd of July.  

We will clean out his room and move over smaller items that we can transport in my car in the weeks before he goes.  

My brother will go overseas and we will pull his bed apart and lean it against the wall, so we can use the extension space for packing and shipping. 

Needless to say, I am crushed at the idea of spending ALL OF JUNE in this shithole, but I realise that the above plan really is the most sensible.  We still have a LOT to do in this apartment before we’re done and dusted with this place.  

I suppose if things get really terrible, we can take our bed to mother’s house and at least sleep there.  Things are just so uncertain with psychopathic neighbours displaying escalating levels of instability. 

Deep breaths, deep breaths.  What I hate most right now are weekends.  That’s a pretty sad story.  And next weekend is a three day weekend.  Ugh.  We will have to take a few excursions and just get the hell away from here.  Think about something else. 

I am thankful for the working week passing quickly.  In two weeks we should be able to help my brother move his stuff, and clean the bedroom out (vacuum, dust, air out).  In three weeks we will be moving small items and boxed stuff.  In 4/5 weeks we will have our furniture over there.  In 5/6 weeks we will have this apartment totally emptied and cleaned. 

Because we are one week in advance with our rent, we should only have to pay another 5 weeks of rent on this place (we will likely need a week to get this place cleaned, considering I’ll be running us back and forth after work to do that).  

Then I claim my rental bond.  No more rent payments.  And suddenly we will be able to breathe.  We can sleep (aside from the disturbances that happen in regular neighbourhoods), we will finally see the bank balance going up (and making this trip seem easier) and we can RELAX.  

Imagine the me of 2 years ago reading this entry, being so pleased to return to mother’s house.  I would have laughed in my own face at my stupidity.  This situation has arisen out of desperation, but a major factor is that she is now in the new house that she built on her block.  The logistics as far as going to the bathroom or getting to the kitchen are much easier, and mother is far less smothering these days.  And there is a FINISH LINE.  Even if this is massively sucky, it will be better than where we are now, and it is only TEMPORARY.  All things going to plan, I only have to live there until September, and then it’s ADIOS.

If I can just maintain my sanity until then.  Keep reassuring myself.  Things WILL be okay.  Keep your head down.  Stay away from the idiots next door.  Keep parking your car miles away, no matter how much you begrudge hiking to it in the freezing mornings.  Set small tasks and let yourself feel good about achieving them.  Hold on to any small happiness and try not to let anyone ruin it for you.