Who needs sleep

It’s 3 am I’m awake… Why? Several reasons actually. First off (and the most tolerable) the toddler does not sleep yet through the night. She needs me I get it… I have the boobs. Maybe I’m setting myself up for the day time fatigue by not weaning her yet. At 19 months most people probably think I should. She’s the last baby and I am not ready and honestly neither is she. I’ve tried to say “no” but she’s so sad about it…. So the mom part of me needs to comfort her… I don’t want to be the source of her anguish… I have lots of years ahead of us for that.. so for today I’ll bitch about being tired and not sleeping but I guess I’m not tired enough to really do anything about it. The second reason I’m awake is because I (and the baby) we’re woken up by Madi… Not that I blame her waking up with a seizure and then having an anxiety attack because of it must be scary. As a nurse I know a decent amount about a decent amount… Fundamentally I understand epilepsy. As a parent I have no clue how to make things better for her and that sucks. I can’t tell her I have the answers if she was my patient I know enough nurse mumbo jumbo that I could help her understand and the importance of meds and safety concerns ect ect… But as a parent none of that really matters because I don’t want her to be dealing with it period. I don’t want to have to worry when I’m at work and she hasn’t been active on Facebook for and hour or two that she has fallen and hurt herself and nobody is there to help her. So far that hasn’t happened but I feel it’s only a matter of time right? Maybe not… Maybe that’s my own anxiety of not being able to control things that are well… Out of my control.