A letter to my older sister

I just emailed this to my older sister H:

H,

 

 
 
 

I’ve been thinking about what to say to you since I read your email on Tuesday. I’ve tried my best to be calm in my writing to you. Right now, if we spoke I would probably lose it and so would you. I am more honest, confident and calm when I write down what I want to say. So here goes:

 

 

 
I’m sorry you’ve found yourself in financial troubles again. I was under the impression that you were doing just fine. If you had told me there was a problem sooner, this particular disaster might have been avoided.
 
I did not know your wages were being garnished. I wish you had told me this information immediately as it occurred because my name is on your lease as the responsible party.
 
I did not know you were "robbing Peter to pay Paul." This should not have happened at all. If you were short money, I should have been told (for the same reason above). I’m your sister and I love you. I don’t want to pay your bills, but if you had an unavoidable situation, I could have helped when it was still manageable.
 
 

And because of all of this, I am now in a corner. I don’t want my credit ruined. I’ve worked very hard to get it to where it is. So now I have to cosign on a $3,000 loan for you so that you can continue to live and work and pay rent.

 

 

 
To say I’m frustrated, pissed and disappointed is a complete understatement.
 
 

The following is what I want from you (things that you don’t have to do, but I would appreciate):

1. I want to know the full story of what happened. Why were/are your wages garnished?
2. I want to know where the $3000 dollars is going (an accounting if you will). I understand that some of it will need to go towards giving Tesia a Christmas. That does not bother me. But since my name is on the loan papers I think I deserve to be informed.
3. I want you to take an honest look at your lifestyle and see where changes can/should be made to make yourself more financially stable. If that means giving up the $100 a month phone bill, canceling all the TV channels, quit the smokeless smoking, and moving Tesia to latchkey during school year and back to Vicki’s during the summer, then maybe that’s what should be done. You need to create a reasonable budget and stick to it. Yes it may mean you might not be able to give Tesia everything you want to give her and that you might have to live “sparse,” but at least a repeat of this situation might be avoided.   

 
 

What I require from you:

1. I need to know how much more you owe (that is past due) after the $3000 is paid to your creditors.
2. I need you to pay off the loan ASAP. That means when you get whatever money you’re expecting (year end bonuses, school money, etc), you pay the loan to the bank. When the loan is paid off, I need a receipt for our files.
3. When your lease is up at the end of the one-year of residency, I need you to try to get my name off of it. If it can’t be done, I understand. I don’t want you to have to move or whatever. I’ll resign it, but ONLY if you can’t sign for it by yourself.
4. If I need to resign your lease, you will need to continue to ensure that the rent is always paid on time or in advance. If you are unable to do so, I must be notified at least one week prior to the time the rent is due so that I can make arrangements. I want to avoid any uneccessar

y fees. Should this happen, you will pay me back based on a schedule that we’ll discuss if the time ever comes. Although to my knowledge you have always done so and I am highly appreciative of that fact.

 

From now on:

1. I will not cosign anything else for you.
2. I will not give you money (except in true emergencies that will affect Tesia negatively in some serious way).
3. I will not do you any more favors like handing over my credit card to buy things with the intention that you will pay me back (because it never happens). This doesn’t mean I won’t pay for a trip to the movies or the zoo. What it means is I won’t buy big ticket items like Fox theater tickets or presents for other family members as a "group" any longer. Somebody else will have to be the initial payer and I will write them a check for my portion.
4. You will inform me long before a problem like this occurs ever again (only required if I need to resign your lease). We will work out some form of loan/payment scheme in writing. You will pay me back anything I loan you.
5. If I don’t need to resign your lease, I don’t want to hear about your money troubles ever again (except in true emergencies that will affect Tesia negatively in some serious way).

 
 

And before you start making conclusions, the above has nothing to do with N. Don’t get me wrong, N cares for you and loves Tesia. But this is my message to you, not his. He’s done. He sees the situation for what it is and knows there’s nothing to be done. He doesn’t want to hear excuses and explanations. He’d actually be fine with it if I destroyed my credit and didn’t cosign the loan. But I can’t do that. You’re my sister, Tesia is one of my beloved nieces, and I’ve worked too damn hard to get my credit in shape. 

 

 

 
 

I’m sorry I have to be so direct. I just feel that I had to say this all. I don’t want money issues to come between us. You’re my sister and I’ll always love you.

 

 

 

 

Keepsake

I wonder if she’s going to be totally pissed off or just ignore it all. I’m so sick of her shit. And it’s my own fault that I’m in this mess with her.