Family

I am 33 years old. I haven’t seen my father since right before my third birthday. And this week, thanks to $3, peoplefinders.com and Facebook I’ve found him and my two half brothers. I contacted all three of them and one of the half-brothers has responded. We’re both tentatively feeling that he is my half-brother. He was not told about my existence, which is not surprising considering his dad was married to his mom when I was conceived. I know there was a lot of drama around my birth and life when I was little. But, now that I’m an adult and don’t really need anybody’s permission I searched for them. After messaging back and forth on Facebook, I’ve given him my email address. The man is in shock. I’m hoping the little information that I do have will be enough to positively identify him as my half-brother. He may have to contact his father to ask him some very tough questions though.

I told him I was sorry for any pain, drama and problems that I may have caused. It truly wasn’t my intent. I have a family. I know who I am. I’ve just always been curious as to where that part of me comes from. I don’t need a father anymore. I’m fully grown. I’m stable in my life.

I’m scared though. There’s still pain involved. That little girl inside of me who desperately wanted a father is crying out. She’s scared to hope that any kind of relationship with that part of my family is possible. The adult in me understands that there may never be a real relationship. This brief contact may be all I’m ever allowed.

I hope I didn’t ruin another family. If the brothers were never told about me, it was for a reason. Maybe not the right reason, but a reason none the less. I don’t want to hurt anybody. But I feel I have a right to contact my father. And I also feel my brothers have a right to know I exist. It is up to them to decide what to do with that information.