Loss of Words

      I really don’t update here as much as I used to. It isn’t for lack of wanting too, it is just a matter of sitting down to write it all out.  Lately life has been difficult- few moments of light amongst days and days of darkness. I try to stay lighthearted externally to keep those around me appeased, but internally I feel like I am always on the brink of a meltdown. My life has been surrounded with such negativity and the only thing that has held me together have been my dear husband, M, and my son in a fur coat, Colby. I honestly thought things couldn’t get worst, but then on Monday evening, my dear Colby passed away. It was like any remaining starts that twinkled in my sky collapsed around my head and shattered in to a million little pieces at my feet.  I’ve heard many people say that he was ‘just a dog," but he wasn’t just a dog. He was my Colby- my kid in a fur coat. My happiness and my comfort. He has brought me over a decades worth of laughter and his passing has left me devastated and broken-hearted. I don’t think it ever crossed that boys mind that he was a dog- in his mind, and my own, he was my son who could do no wrong.

    Just the mention of his name leaves me in a flood of his tears. I will soon be back to write the entry he deserves but all of the words I want to say just keep getting fumbled together.