Easter Sunday and Obsessive Compulsive Tendancies

Wrote this for facebook, but decided to share it here. 🙂 I’m lazy like that, ya know!

 

This morning I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Big time. Now, I admit this not because I enjoy admitting moments of my complete evilness, but because I am sure that my dear husband would dime me out in a heart beat if I was to write a note containing only sunshine and roses. Perhaps I should note that it wasn’t a simple I’m so tired crankiness either. It was a hair standing straight up, head rotating in a complete circle and projectile vomit split pea soup kind of crankiness. The dogs whimpered and cowered, the rabbit hid under his food dish and the fish jumped ship and risked the dry land behind the TV. My husband, who has become accustomed to my various cycles of evilness, just rolled his eyes and continued his daily routine. He was nice enough to tell me that I should sleep in and relax today opposed to going to town to pick up my car and complete some shopping that needed to be done. Trust you me- I considered that option! Even my good side was sobbing in fear.

 

     When I get like this I realize the  ridiculousness of my behavior but sometimes the frustration just builds inside until it can build no further.When I reach the point of bursting there is often no stopping the wave of emotions; I can only ride them out and work out my concerns as they slowly bubble over. Yes, I should learn to release my thoughts, concerns and disappointments as the incidents of life occur but that just isn’t as easy as it sounds. I prefer to be the rock, the smiling face or the shoulder wet with tears. To admit that I, too, am weak isn’t a trait I am accustomed to. Sometimes it is just easier to assume "control" then it is to honestly admit the feeling of defeat. Fortunately, I never claimed to be rational.

 

     This month has been more trying than normal and, with Easter Sunday quickly approaching, I cannot help but feel a little glum. Holidays always make me think of "home" and my family. I reminisce on days gone past and long to enjoy the flurry of the years activities with my Mom, Pops and siblings. While I know I have friends and family here in Oklahoma sometimes I just cannot help but wanna be home for the holidays. Earlier this month Evelyn, my Step-Grandmother by chance and my Grandmother by choice, passed away. At the time I couldn’t make it home and the hurt and pain of knowing I couldn’t be there to support the ones I loved stung like a freshly sharpened spear. Through the hurt I realized just how much of life I have allowed to pass me by. I thought of the days I chose work over friends or family. I considered all of the birthdays, anniversaries and holidays I let slip my mind due to me being consumed into my own little world. My priorities needed straightening and I had to come and realize that.

 

     After picking up my SUV I decided to swing into Starbucks for a non-fat latte. If there were any day I needed that glorious goodness then today was that day. After a few sips and several minutes of contemplation I began feeling my foul mood slip away. I took a moment to remind myself that instead of feeling sorry for myself I needed to appreciate what I have. Such glorious gifts have been bestowed upon me and rather then enveloping their greatness I had been choosing to instead long for what wasn’t rightfully intended for me. We chose the path of which life takes us. Because of the choices I have chosen to make, I am where I am today. When I really take a moment to stop and look around I realize to great extend just what greatness surrounds me daily. This is where I was intended to me!

 

     It is amazing what a serious mood change can bring forth! I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few items for a birthday cake that I have to deliver tomorrow and I came across a red picnic tablecloth. At that moment I felt joyous. This Sunday is EASTER SUNDAY! A few weeks ago I had decided to bypass the traditional ham dinner and opted to go with a smoked brisket, cowboy beans, cornbread…just some down-home soul food cooking. I felt my in-laws would enjoy that meal over a regular ham dinner and decided to just go with it. I didn’t have a theme planned, and you all know how I love my themes, and had initially planned on just a low key event because I just didn’t have the gumption to do anything other than that. That simple red picnic tablecloth, or maybe it was the non-fat latte with an extra shot of espresso disguised as a red picnic tablecloth, unleashed my obsessive-compulsive spirit of planning and reminded me of why I love the holidays.

 

     There is no such thing as too much work, for me, when it comes to the holidays. I will spend months planning out menus, linens and seating arrangements. I will spend days scrubbing and cleaning the house. I will spend hours perfecting recipes, cooking up huge amounts of food and plating the foods just-so on my themed plates. I invite family and friends then open my doors to anyone with no place to go. My home becomes filled with the scent of food, the booming laughter of adults and the joyous chatter of children. I love my home on the holidays and no work will ever compare to the sense of pride and gratitude I feel when I see these people enjoying themselves. Even on holidays like Easter and Christmas when so many people avoid putting the name of OUR Savior in their mouth, deep within I know why we are all celebrating and coming together. We can disguise HIS birth, HIS death and HIS resurrection with whatever fairly tale we wish but it makes me wonder. If HE didn’t come on that night in December would we have these other holidays? Would we all still come together as friends and family in joyous celebration? Whether we care to admit it or not, Jesus is bringing us together. It is HE is uniting our families and our communities, not a laughing fat man or a Sasquatch sized rabbit!

 

     That single red picnic tablecloth snapped be back into reality. It created my holiday theme, it made me pick up the phone and call my Oklahoma family and friends to encourage another gathering and it made my obsessive compulsive tendencies go into planning overdrive. But you know what? All that is minor for it also made me give thanks to where thanks is due. I may not be with my family in NY this Easter but because of that I can bring happiness to those here in Oklahoma. I can provide them with a feast, allow them to laugh easy and, perhaps, at the end of the day they will step out of their normal routine and thank our God for all that is wonderful in their lives.