Don’t read this, it’s just me whinging.

Jeez, I feel so DEPRESSED today! LAME!!!!!

I’ve been absolutely fine for so long.But today and last night I have been so down. It’s not helping that I keep interpreting what are probably innocent comments as confirmations that I suck.

And my bad mood all started because of silly little insignificant reasons. First, it took an hour and a half to get home last night rather than the usual 30 minutes. This was just because my ride had to pick up a freezer on his way home. Then, when we finally got back to the city, he seemed annoyed that I left pretty much as soon as we pulled up outside his house. It’s not like I ever go in usually, and he had a guy who was helping him get the freezer into his apartment so…. What did I need to stay around for? Maybe that was a misinterpretation on my part but hm, he seemed pretty put out and annoyed with me.

Then I got home and the bikini I ordered from ASOS had finally shown up 10 days late, but, surprise surprise, the package contained two tops and no bottoms. THANKS ASOS.

Then I went on OD and this douchebag of a diarist had been nominated for reader’s choice, going on about how he is more evolved than everyone else on the planet, that a dream he had proves he is actually from outer space, and most irritatingly of all, he had pompously posted a list of books he had read, so that he could prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was smarter than everyone esle. And these books were essentially the equivalent of astrology over astronomy. Ie, bullshit. He was going on about star souls or some rubbish.

Anyway, I had noted him saying that the best people in the world are the ones that never consider themsleves to be above the rest, the salt of the earth are the people we all love. I also said that people who put themselves on a pedestal of their own making usually end up feeling very alone and isolated.

Maybe it wasn’t the nicest thing to say, but the fact this was on RC and this is a public forum, I didn’t think my note was attacking him, maybe just helping him realise he is just like the rest of us (which I find a comforting thought).

Anyway, his reply served only to prove me right. "Thank you for your meaningless comment. I am entire apathetic towards it." No, I didn’t misspell that, he did. But FUCK ME, his comment just completely validated what I had said! Only someone who thought they were more evolved than everyone would call something like that meaningless. And if he was entirely apathetic towards it, ENTIRELY, then he wouldn’t have even bothered to reply. So I guess he doesn’t understand apathy. So much so that he deleted my comment. I think he only likes comments that agree with his point of view.

I understand no one likes to be told they are wrong, and I wasn’t trying to barge in and do that, I was just giving what might have been a different point of view. Urgh, whatever.

So, by this point yesterday evening, I was just in a total sulk. I went to bed early and frowned myself to sleep.

This morning, I mentioned that diarist to my ride and he went off on one. At me "OH YOU YOUNG PEOPLE (he’s 40) ALWAYS ON THE INTERNET DOING STUPID BLOGS, GET A LIFE!!!!"

Yeah, cheers. Sorry that people younger than you find friends in real life and over the internet, a place created to encourage worldly communities. So, I dunno, that made me feel like shit. Like I’m some lameass internet weirdo who has no friends.

Saying that, I do kind of feel like I have few friends. I won’t say none, because the friends I do have are wonderful. Recently I’ve been hanging out with Rose, a new girl at work. But it made me realise that before she arrived, I had been hanging out with no one. No one had wanted to be my friend, and I’d tried so hard to be nice to everyone. I probably came off as a desperate lameass loser. I need to stop using the word lameass.

Right, right, this diary entry is almost as pathertic as I am. The reason I’m putting it all down here is because I genuinely have no one to share these feelings with. I know there’s Mat but I don’t want to bombard him with this. I just need to get it out that today, I feel like shit, for essentially no reason. I feel like a loser. I feel like there must be something wrong with me because I am so bad at making friends.

Well done if you got to the end of this without dying of boredom/rage.

XxX