Big Update

Sooo I am not even sure where to begin because I do not even know where I left off. I came back here because it seems to be the safest place to go. My place I rarely tell people about because it is the only place I can really be me.

So back in August I moved even further from home, which was California and then Louisiana, to now Massachusetts. I moved to New England to be with who I thought was the love of my life. Somewhere along the way she turned into a girl that I did not even recognize. Controlling, manipulative, lying…I don’t even know. So now I feel so broken hearted.

Nearly a month ago I decided I needed to get out of the situation. I moved into an apartment of my own. Which in nearly 27 years is the first time that I have literally been on my own. I feel so lonely and lost and confused and scared that sometimes I just can’t stop crying. I miss my family..I miss having friends. I have isolated everyone I ever loved because of this girl that I thought was my world.

So…….

for the first time in my life I am single. For nearly a month. Single because I feel like I cannot seem to make anything work while I am still so broken down. I love her…but I know we cannot make a relationship work when she can’t even let me have friends. So…I am doing things the hard way. I am trying to put my pride aside and trying to put me first. But first I have to find me…again.