New Job

 Well, I got a call yesterday while I was happily working.  It was from Captain B at the Correctional Facility that I had applied for to be a Case Manager.  He proceeded to go into a speech about how impressed he was with my interview and wanted to offer me a position as a Correctional Officer.  Said it would be a good foot in the door for a different position in their facility as I gain experience and one opens up.  I told him I’d have to think about it.

I debated it.  It pays $3.00 more per hour which is $528 more per month or more if I’m willing to work overtime (which I am).  The insurance is incredible.  Mine is free.  I would just have to pay for the kids.  It supposedly covers a lot and is great/easy to work with.  Downfalls are nights, holidays and weekends.  I’m okay with nights.  Holidays are doable.  Weekends are okay.  It’s not ideal, but it’s okay.

The shifts would be.  To start.  7 pm to 7 am.  Either Thurs/Fri/Sat or Sun/Mon/Tues with every other Wednesday on both.  I’d like the Sun/Mon/Tues shift as then it’s all sleeping while the kids are in school.  Technically I think once my training is over I’ll see the kids more this way as I’ll only miss bedtime and the hours they’re sleeping.

I called him back to tell him I was accepting his offer.  I had to fill out another app and turn it in.  Then today I had to go to another "interview".  The "interview" was informal.  I listened to four dudes talk about how spectacular I was and how I’d be a perfect fit.  I then officially accepted the job offer.  

Was given a tour of the entire jail and prison.  Met some people.  Got my ugly uniforms (pretty nail polish will be a requirement to offset the greys).  Ordered my shoes.  Picked a start date.  And that was that.

I start October 14th.  First I’ll start with 4 days.  Then 4 nights.  Then 3 nights.  And then my shift will go into effect.  I’m really hoping for the Sun-Tues one and I guess I’ll put in a bid for that.  It sounds like right now they’re so short staffed I’ll easily be able to do that.  If not I’ll work the other days until one opens up.  

My mom will keep the kids the hours I work.  Ideally I’ll get the shift I want.  Can work 7p-7a.  Go get the kids ready & off to school.  Go to sleep at 8 am.  Get up at 3:30 and do homework with the kids and feed them dinner.  Drop them off at my mom’s at 6:30 and off to work I go.  Then I’ll get 3 – 4 days off every week after training to spend with them too.  

It’s not ideal.  It’s not what I want.  But we need the extra money to survive and I really think I’ll see the kids more in the long run with the extra days off and being home when they get out of school.  

So, me, the chick with the huge fear of law enforcement, the chick who hates cops, the chick who is terrified of jail… Yep, that chick… Will now be sporting a badge of her own and spending 40 hours a week in one.  *sigh* What did I get myself into?  

The things you’ll do to support your family and survive.

Needless to say my anxiety is out of CONTROL.  It’s horrid.  Beyond horrid.  Last night took a Xanax, Ativan, Ambien and Abilify before I finally got myself out of a severe panic attack.  Today has been bad too.  Living off of Ativan.  That feeling has to get better eventually.  Right?  

I guess I’m just super nervous.  Scared I’m not making the right choice.  Scared I have no idea how to do this & it’ll be all new stuff I have to learn.  Scared it’ll be too much information.  Scared I’ll get nervous with badges all around me. 

I’ll catch on.  It’ll get better.  It has to.  Any words of encouragement? Someone telling me I’m not making a horrible decision.  That I’m not screwing up bad?

Ty isn’t helping the equation at all.

He’s freaked out when I told him about it.  Told me I’m making a horrible mistake.  Told me all about how much I’m going to hate it.  

I think he’s just pissed that I’ll be working with a ton of men.  Insecure maybe.  Jealous I got a job offer I didn’t even apply for and he has no job at all.  

He was a royal ass all night.  Kept saying he was leaving me.  Those words drilled it into my head that much more that I needed to get the job and keep it.  I need to pay my bills myself.  I need to provide insurance to my kids.  Myself.  And, well, this is how I’m going to do that.