Blah, blah, blah…

 He drives me flipping insane.

Today he texted me three times already.  Twice to fax a resume.  Once to fill out an application.  I did it.  Then replied… "Wouldn’t it be easier to drive to Williston and find a job vs doing a ton of online applications nobody will ever look at as they have so many walk ins?"  He replies to inform me the only person talking about going to Williston to find a job is me.  WTF?  Seriously?  That’s where all the jobs are you fucking dumbass.  So, I kindly told him he was a douche and to fill out and fax his apps himself.  He called me controlling.  Told me I wouldn’t like his decision he was going to make.  I replied back… "Actually I might".  End of conversation.  (Well, the end of me replying. He’s still texting to himself.)

Seriously?  I’m not his personal application assistant.  I’ll help when I can.  But I have a job I need to be doing to.  And we all see how easily he’s kept jobs that he’s made me apply for due to the fact he’s incapable of filling out an application.  Maybe if he actually has to get a job himself he’ll keep it, because really, it’s super easy to get a job when you don’t have to do any of the leg work yourself.  I’m tired of filling out applications.  If I wanted to fill out apps I’d be looking for my own job.

I don’t understand why he can’t keep a job.  And every day that goes by, every day closer I get to being broke, I just get more pissed.  This is crap.  Complete and utter crap.  It’s not that hard to go to work every day.  It’s not that hard to play nice with other grown adults.  It’s not.  I’ve had the same shitty ass job for 1 year and 6 months.  Before that I had the same shitty ass job for 2 years waitressing.  Proof it’s doable. Whether you like it or not.  He’s just such a damn cry baby.

Yes, I’m frustrated.  I don’t know where this relationship is going at this point.  He can’t keep a job.  He provides no financial security.  He bitches all the time.  He is little help around the house.  The only real thing he has going for him is he does take the kids fishing, riding and such, but that’s about it.  Financially I’d be in the same place I’m in with or without him.  I just don’t see much difference in having him around or not at this moment.  Honestly, I think it may be easier to just do it all by myself.  Essentially I’m doing it all by myself anyways. Right?

*sigh*  That’s such a hard decision to make.  I do wish he’d just make it for me.  That’d be easiest.

The mice are driving me fucking batty.  I’m back to not being able to get a handle on them.  I realized yesterday they’re going into Petries cage.  Ugh.  Ugh.  Ugh.  Must remind myself just one more month and we’ll be able to move.  I feel like all I do is clean and try to kill them just to realize there must be millions more.  I hate mice.  Hate them.  I have this new phobia (or old phobia that’s getting worse) that we’re all going to die from the mice days before we’re supposed to move.  

And the above paragraph made me realize that the OCD is obviously again getting worse along with the anxiety.  So, just emailed my therapist quickly to make sure I’m set to see her next week at 11.  I missed my last appointment due to Zak’s appointment and could obviously use it.